I Don't Even Know Your Name

Breathe

*Shawn's POV*

"We're going to take great care of you and your baby." Dr. Smith assured us.

"Thank you." Ruth said, from behind the blue sheet that covered her view of the surgery that was about to be performed.

"Alright, we're ready to begin."

"Okay." She glanced up at me, worry in her eyes.

"Are you ready to be a Dad?" She asked, trying to stay strong.

"So ready." I spoke, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

I crouched nervously next to where her head lay on the operating table. I spoke comforting words to her as we waited for our baby to be brought into the world.

"Everything is going to be just fine, the doctors said that both you and the baby are stable." I whispered closely into her ear. "We're going to have a beautiful, healthy child. And you're going to be a perfect Mother."

"I hope so." Ruth said skeptically.

"If our baby is anything like you, they will be strong, and live a long, happy life."

"Shawn, no matter what happens, you know I love you." She said, sadness lingering in her tone.

"No, do not talk like that. You're fine, you are going to get through this." I said firmly, even though I felt worrisome too. I knew that Ruth would make it, I just wasn't sure if the baby.

"I know, you just, you never know." She said.

"I know, but you're tough." I said, stroking her hair lovingly.

~

"Look at this, it's a beautiful baby girl!" Dr. Smith, her excited tone, muffled from the surgical mask that covered her mouth. I looked up to see if she was holding the baby, but I found that she had moved to a very small table in the corner of the room.

"What's going on? Why isn't she crying?" Ruth uttered, worriedly.

"Everything is fine." Smith said, using a suction tube to get the fluid out of the baby's nose. "Dr. Stevens." She summoned with a nod.

"Yes?" Steven's said, briskly stepping over to her.

"We're going to have to put her on a ventilator. She's not breathing properly." Smith whispered.

"What, what's going on? Why is no one telling me what's going on?!" A now upset Ruth yelled. I think she knew what was happening, and I did too. The same thing happened to Ruth when she was a baby. I saw Ruth's eyes growing wider with panic, as she turned her head to look at the doctors. They were moving their hands every which way in attempt to get our daughter breathing. I clenched Ruth's hand tightly in mine, hoping to ease her in any way possible.

"It's okay Ruth, everything will be okay." I said, calmingly. "We have a daughter...." I trailed off.

"No, why does everyone keep saying that? She's clearly not okay!" Ruth exclaimed in anger. I began stroking her hair in comfort again. Ruth was being stitched up by another doctor, and the last thing we all needed was for her to rip open a stitch or something, not to mention her heart rate being raised.

"They are doing everything they can." I said, still in attempt to calm her, but I think she knew I was freaking out too. She just stared at me for a moment, letting her facial expression grow more pain-filled. I've always been awful about not showing emotion on my face, especially in a situation like this.

"Oh no, I've lost it." Smith gasped.

I felt a sharp ache of anxiety hit the pit of my stomach like a bowling ball. I knew what they were talking about, and it wasn't good.

"Quick, hook her up to the monitor!" Smith yelled, beginning to press two fingers on the babies chest in an even rhythm. Stevens scrambled to the other side of the room, rolling a cart back in her direction.

"Hurry!"
"Okay okay I'm doing it!" Stevens responded. hooking her up immediately. "Still nothing." Stevens said soar fully.

I looked into Ruth's watery, bloodshot eyes.' again. Now she was sure.

"I love you." my voice broke, while I pet her forehead with my thumb.

"I know." She said, weeping now.

"We're going to lose our baby, aren't we?" She said.

"No, we're not." I said, not believing my words.

This couldn't be happening. After everything Ruth and I have done to keep her and the baby healthy, this wasn't fair.

It had only taken two minutes. Two minutes for our daughter to be brought into the world, to the table in the corner. One hundred and twenty seconds, for my emotions to flip from pure joy, to devastation... and the amount of time it took for our daughter's heart to stop beating.

*I know it has literally been FOREVER since I've posted. I've had some serious writer's block lately! Thanks for being patient!*