ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰɪɴᴇ // 𝐦𝐠𝐜 - 𝐚𝐟𝐢

CIGARETTE 4

CIGARETTE 4

I bet people don't see, I hope they really don't. I hope they don't see the agony hiding behind my smile, notice the sorrow in my eyes.

Elle looks so happy. I try to be happy for them. The smile on their pretty face is so wide. Elle is such a pretty person, with their strawberry blond hair and green eyes with hints of chocolate.

They are talking about something that happened in their art class, but I've lost track of it long ago.

"Madi, are you listening?" Elle asks, probably noticing that my focus is everywhere but in what they are saying.

"Yeah, yeah."

The expression on their face shows they are not that convinced.

"Madi," she sighs. "I know-"

Before they can say anything else, I cut them off.

"I'm fine." I tell them. "I was just a  bit distracted, nothing more."

They shake their head and I look down at my half-eaten burger. I don't feel hungry anymore, but force myself to keep eating.

I search for some topic for a conversation, but nothing comes up.

"How's Ashton?" Elle asks, making my body tense.

"He's good." I gulp, my throat going dry. How would I know if he's good or not if he barely puts a foot home.

"Is everything ok between you two?" The suspicious look on their face is not a good sign. The questions will start and I'm not sure if have the answer for.

"Yeah."

"Madi, don't lie to me." They plead me, their eyes shining.

"I'm not." I reason. "We are just a bit distant because college is being a pain in the ass." I know they don't believe me by the look they're giving me. "Just that, I promise."

I don't know what to say to them, because I don't believe myself anymore.

Things aren't the greatest. They are actually pretty shitty and I don't have control in things. It's slipping through my fingers.

I used to believe things get better with time, but things are just getting worse.

The ice cube in my heart's place is starting to crack, opening gaps and it hurts.

The pain is uncontrollable making it hard to breath and takes my sleep away at night.

My gaze finds Elle's and I send them a small smile to reassure that I'm fine.

"I like your shirt." I change the subject. They are wearing a pastel pink sweater, a little big for their petite frame, but fitting them perfectly.

A soft smile shows on their lips. The thing always captivated me the most is Elle's smile. It's so soft and always show so much genuine.

"Thank you." Their voice is just as soft as the smile on their face.

We finished our meal in silence. I don't say anything and neither do they. It's not needed.