ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰɪɴᴇ // 𝐦𝐠𝐜 - 𝐚𝐟𝐢

CIGARETTE 15

CIGARETTE 15

There's always peace before the storm. The decay comes when you're in your higher pedestal.

The smile hasn't left my face for a week now, and it worries me. It's not a fake smile, it's a genuine one. Ashton presence around has this affect on me. Everything seems brighter, prettier.

The weather and the nature matches my mind right now. As spring strikes in, making the streets look more beautiful, the trees full of color, the air warmer... Ashton did the same with me, and it's wonderful.

It doesn't stop me from worry about my heart and mind, though. Good things don't last long and I know sooner or later I'll relapse. Happiness is not infinite and there will come a time that sadness will swallow me like darkness does to the city every night.

I know myself way too well, and it scares me. It scares me not knowing if Ashton will be there for me when I fall once again.

The heat from his touch pushes the thought away. His skin rubbing against mine in a so gentle touch. The TV keeps playing the show we have chosen to watch, but I don't pay attention to it.

The only thing that I can focus on, is the warmth of his touch, the trail of fire it leaves behind on my skin. He's only rubbing his hand back and forth, slowly, up and down my arm and this intense affect on me.

My eyes close and I just absorver the feeling his touch is giving me. But I need more, it makes me feel alive. With my head laid down on his lap, I look up at him. His eyes are focus on the television.

I grab his hand that's on my arm to get his attention and give it a light kiss. My plan works out and he looks down at me.

With a shy smile hidden behind our hands, I meet his eyes. "I love you."

He smiles too and it's so lovely. "I love you too." His fingers intertwine with mine, and he takes our hands to the direction of his face.

In the back of my hand, he leaves a light, soft kiss. "Madi." His voice is soft, like velvet but I can sense the seriousness behind the word. "Promise me, please peromise me that every time you're about to slash your precious porcelain skin, call me. Or text me. I'll come right away to you, to tell you that I got you and you'll be alright." My wrist full of old and new scars is facing him and he kisses my skin, my scars. "Draw butterflies instead. Everytime you're about to do it, grab a pen and draw a butterfly, as a sign of hope. That everything will be ok. I'll be always there for you when you need me. Just promise me you'll do it."

"I promise, Ashton." I tell him. "I promise i will"

...

Today is sunny. It looks beautiful, the fresh breeze is calming as it hits my skin softly. The sky is all blue, no clouds racing around and the sun brights everything around up. Spring has its wonders.

Ashton woke me up early this morning, maybe a bit too early for a saturday. He told me he would make it up with a nice breakfast at my favorite diner.

I was a bit confused when he woke me up at nine in the morning in a saturday, but everything cleared up when I saw him putting his cameran in his backpack.

We used to do this a lots of times. Wake up early and go out without destination to take photos. Ashton is not the one who likes to be the model, but sometimes, i managed to get his camera and take photos of him.