BOUND TO MY NEMESIS

1⃣ - THE KNOTS THAT BIND

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I held the phone to my ear, my hands slightly quivering, tears brimming my eyes.

"With the amount of five thousand cedis as dowry, the consent of the couple's waliyy two from each side and us (the congregation and imam of this mosque) as witnesses, three  marital knots have been bind between  Amdan Mohammad Seebaway and Salma Yussif Seebaway" .

My eyes closed  the phone slowly slumping  to my cheek.

I clenched my eyes tightly to stop the echo of the "fate sealing words" in my mind, this couldn't happen we were too different, he couldn't stand my wit and I was beginning to hate his.

                      ~♥~

THIS MARRIAGE, a doom before it even began could severe the  bond binding us, leaving him meant losing the essence of my existence.

Ours is almost like one of those foretold matches that was only waiting for our existence to set into motion. The kind of tie that had the consent of both parents because even they couldn't go against the words of their superior.

I could try playing the devil's advocate and tell my parents I couldn't go through with it but that could only happen if I could look Dada (Amdan's father who is more of a dad to me than my biological father) in the eye and tell him I was no longer interested in his only son who to the world was someone who practically worshipped the ground I walk on.

My phone buzzed notifying me of an incoming message, but I was too scared of what I might see. The  texts I receive these days were more from him than  my service providers.

I used to look forward to receiving messages especially the facts and proverb messages Tigo sent; a slight buzz had my insides  turning these days.

The guy couldn't just wake up on our "wedding day" and be okay with everything.

I vividly remember when we were taking our pre-wedding photos a week earlier, throughout the session he had warned me  off the wedding, warning me of the "pitiful"  excuse of a life I'll live after the knots were tied. 

Like I could muster the courage to march to Dada and Mom and tell them I couldn't go through with the one thing I've been prepped for for virtually all my life.

He knew his words affected me especially when he says I've robbed him of  life's joy though I doubt  there's been any joy at all.

The guy has always been a moody, grumpy nag who seemed to only find solace in  making my life miserable, reminding me of how much of a pest I was.

My biological dad's absence because he couldn't stand my sight and has actually never been there for me.

Shouldn't I be the brooding one?, I should be the grumpy one,  I was the one with almost no biological parents who also had to deal with his incessant goad.

                       …    …   …

I inhaled a long drag of air holding the stale burning air within.  I wanted everywhere to hurt my chest felt heavy and even stung a bit but it wasn't hurting enough.

I felt like my heart had shattered into small shards  each shard cutting at my chest with each breathe.

I sluggishly held the phone tapping on the message icon with a shaky finger without checking the notification bar.

Monster : U've sealed ur fate, remember nothing  but grief awaits you and u were forewarned.

I closed my eyes freeing the full ducts that had been burning my eyes since I picked up his call earlier and threw the phone away.

'Why do I always have to go through unending pain, Ya Allah, you know what befits me and why I have to go through this trial. Please soothe my heart  and armor me for whatever awaits me in the hand of this tyrant.' I openly prayed.

I pulled the duvet over my head,  swiftly wiping my hands over my cheeks when I heard the door creak, wishing I could  disappear from the earth's surface.

I caught a whiff of her soft scented vanilla perfume and wished it had been someone else, my eyes clenched when the bed dipped, this shouldn't be happening,  this can't happen.

I inhaled sharply praying she'd not heard the sound and mistaken my silence for sleep.

The duvet lightly grazed my skin cold air hitting my forehead with the first drag,  one… two…  I slowly opened my tightly shut eyes blinking rapidly when our eyes met.

My mind went completely blank, my lips parted as I tried to conjure suitable words to say to a new mother-in-law.

"I'm happy you're finally my daughter Salma, you've made me proud May Allah bless you with loving children who will be of the coolness of your eyes I know……  Hanna would have been very proud if she were alive .…" I tuned her out at the mention of my mother's name.

Her voice was quiet almost soothing even but her words affirmed  what I had heard just moments ago,  of the fact that my marital knot with my cousin was tied right after dawn prayers not the normal late morning knot tying affair and also, on an odd day;  Ghanaians almost never married but on Sundays today was a Wednesday.

Even divorcees were getting married on Sundays these days,  or had they forgotten I was a maiden?.

I couldn't hold the pretence any longer I abruptly rose fluttering my eyes to keep the tears at bay or at least till she leaves the room,  I could try at pulling that off. But I couldn't do so quite well.

Maybe she didn't notice the tears rolling down my cheek or she mistook it for ones of joy however she deemed it, I was grateful, she burst into tears herself engulfing me in a tight hug.

"My memories of her are spotty but I wish I had had a little more time with her, I wish she were here today I wish I had a picture or…" I broke off, my body wrecking as I broke in a bout of tears.

Mourning for not only the loss of my mother but the impending life of doom I had been promised.

                ••••••••••••••••••••••

Waliyy - a person's guarantor in a marriage

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Peace out ✌