BOUND TO MY NEMESIS

Meet Up ~ 21

The past few weeks hasn’t been necessarily joyous albeit okay, I trudged through the house smiling at every word like a loon.

Today was one of those days I felt like the boulder that had been incessantly hanging over my shoulder and weighing me down, had been pulled away.

The impending outcome of the test weighed heavily on my mind but nearing a result had me both excited and nervous, being a Saturday I couldn’t see Malik and calling him on the phone might make me come off as clingy.

Malik was like my outlet to vent everything because 1. he was an unattached third party  2. It was his job to listen to my rants, mostly of fear and hopelessness 3. There was nothing to lose from telling him what was wrong he couldn't share it with anyone and was  not judgmental, he made me weigh between the pros and cons myself whether it was right or not, decisions made were totally up to me.

To think I had even been annoyed when mom suggested I start seeing a therapist after I suffered another phase/panic if I can call it that three days after I had told her everything still amuses me.

***

I huffed falling on the bed like I didn’t promise my girlfriends I’d see them just a while ago, I closed my eyes when I heard the door creak my mental and emotional health wasn't ready for another  of Mufeedah’s havoc wrecking facts, here I lie still reeling from the last one she'd dropped, another one will leave me totally floored with a  numb body and a heart struggling to take another beat.

I opened an eye when I felt the bed slowly dip   like the person didn’t want to wake me, my gaze clashed with a smiling Fareedah 'my caretaker' I mentally rolled my eyes.

I opened the other eye forcing a smile on my face, her smile widened then she looked down fiddling with her fingers.

We had the kind of friendship I’d like to believe was good enough for them to be comfortable in telling me everything, why was she nervous? my brows creased as I studied her carefully.

“Fareedah?” I probed when I made out she had no intention of speaking up “what’s wrong?” I asked in  concern, she looked up again the smile on her face widening I propped my elbow hoisting to a sitting position, my eyes searched hers and I pulled her on a hug.

My eyes remained fixated on her teary ones when I pulled away “I know how you might be striving to keep up, I didn’t want to interfere in your affairs after all I’m just a kid” she looked down again like she was mulling over what to say next,  slowly she raised her head searching my eyes “You have to get back together, I didn’t want to say this or even poke my nose in this but I accidentally know snippets of what happened between you and D-” she started but didn't continue when I pulled my hands  from hers, my heart ferociously thumped at the new discovery, ‘how dare he, who the hell did he think he was, inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un' I recited the latter  countlessly  in my heart, the nerve of that psychotic excuse of a man we were now at a point he involved teenagers in our affair.

“Wallah he didn’t tell me anything” she voiced in a worried tone her palm wiping my face.

I rose from the bed and walked out  clueless of where I was going, the air in the house was suffocating, I needed to get away from this place, anywhere but here,  I descended the stairs in a mad rush almost tripping as I aimed for the exit.

I could hear the voices and laughter of the Seebaway clan from the family room but I felt nothing like going there I rushed out of house my eyes roving over the compound and lingering at the parking lot.

I looked down to my hands and realised I didn’t have a car key, there was no way I’d go back to that house, tripping over my first few steps I hurried to the gate nodding at the security guard I pushed the single door  almost toppling over as I careened out : staying in there might make me burst to flames.