13 ~ 20 Steps Backwards; A leap forward?
I clapped my hands together, lips still tugged up as I looked up, “Good morning and your breakfast is ready” I sang cheerily with false enthusiasm, the scowl that had been forming on his face deepened, we were OK yesterday why the sudden change I asked myself, “I was coming up to wake you, you know” I offered, was he angry because of that, he cleared his throat when he reached the foot of the stairs, I made a dash for his bag, he had a tight grip on it, I could feel my heartbeat on my fingertips slowly he loosened his hold on the handle and in his steady gait made his way to the dinning area.
He pulled the head chair and sat down undoing his suit’s button then pulled the bowl of porridge in front of him, that was my job I clearly knew that but I was glued to my spot, fright and hope fighting for rein within me, I heaved a sigh my lips stretching when he scooped a spoonful and swallowed, he closed his eyes I could see his eyeball roll behind his lid then he clenched it tightly my heart picked up it’s beat just then, was something wrong, was there too much salt or sugar maybe it was too hot, his jaw clenched my eyes began twitching, “is a-anything the problem?” I stuttered afraid of the reply I’ll get. He released the spoon, I could literally feel my heart split with the loud clank of the spoon. I looked on at him like a deer caught in headlight as he strode toward me like a predator ready to pounce on its prey, he snatched his briefcase and without uttering a word walked out of the house.
“20 steps backwards” I whispered to myself of all the crime in the world I wonder which one of them I committed today, is it that some men don’t like it when their wives do the household chores or what? my eyes darted to the semi-feast filled table once again, my lips stretching into a smile of pain or amusement I couldn’t pin. I was in no mood to eat so I packed the ones I know can be preserved then arranged the rest on the tray and took it out to the security guard. It was his portion after all.
I felt like heaps of the whole world’s problem was dumped on my shoulders , they were practically touching the ground.
I should have voiced all those questions, how dare he treat me like that, we’re in a companionship first off I’m not obliged to do all those “supposed wifely duties” Allah never imposed it on me I’m suppose to be treated like a ‘damn’ queen yet all he does is treat me like trash.
I wiped the tear that had successfully dropped on my left cheek looking at the empty table, well maybe making this was not important after all, I closed my eyes as my conscience nagged reminding me of the promise I had made earlier, more tears fell as I fought an inner battle I wasn’t sure what part was bound to win but.
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The universe seem to be against me today I laid on my bed in a limbo, memories of Dan’s cruelty torturing my mind, I wanted to justify each of his actions but my mind only came up with back to back memories of the cruelty he had meted to me, like on my 13th birthday, mom threw a huge party for me at our backyard near the pool I was overjoyed because my birthdays have always been a family affair, and I finally got to show off the little swimming skills I had to my colleagues. I was clad in a one piece bikini with a mid thigh loose shorts over it when I decided to go give him his slice of the cake because he wasn’t present when it was cut, a few of the guests were on the patio whiles other littered around the pool area, I was all smiles as I approached him he was with one of his cousins from mom’s side, “You didn’t even eat the cake” I complained as I approached them, I maintained my smile even though it was met with a frown, his clenched jaw as I handed him the plate.
He looked over at Ibrahim, snatched the plate throwing it into the grass then pushed me backwards, I didn’t act fast my dumb mind was too slow to register what was happening and that second I almost lost my life. My eyes burnt from the chloroform and my lungs felt like they were on fire.
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I inhaled a drag of fresh air warding off the thoughts of my not so well-ended birthday, Dan has never been good news and my stupid mind should never have thought it will be easy winning him over, he won this time around no matter how much religious he seems to be I doubt Allah is happy with him, and wallah divorce is the only solution for us now, I don’t care what he’ll pull up I’m talking to him today, there are only two options either he frees me from this hellhole of a marriage because I fear for my hereafter.
Marriage might mean fulfilling half our deen I’m in no way against marriage it’s suppose to be a beautiful union especially with hearts that adore each other, the one I’m bounded to doesn’t seem to know the essence of marriage, I’ve never fancied open fire much less hell fire, I’m not taking that risk being led to jahannam by a union that’s suppose to be the 50% mark to heaven if lived by accordance will not be the hell of me.
No I’m not having that.
For the rest of the day I trudged around not even sleep fancied stealing me, and lying down would only be a waste of an effort my body was weary of giving.
*
I looked up at the wall clock in my room, counting the seconds till he returns, he mostly returned before Magrib, and it was past eight, ‘Don’t worry your pretty head over him, he’s a grown ass man don’t forget the hurtful words he hurls at you’ I turned my head resting it well on my right upper arm, I knew I would get a sore neck if I stayed in that position for long but who cares, that’s how I’ll remain till he returns.
“Honey”
“Honey! I’m home”
My lids seemed heavy, “Honey” the voice at had awakened me repeated, I tilted my head to the side yelping when it cracked , that’s my reward for being stubborn.
“Honey” I hurriedly raised my head knowing my body will definitely not spare me for abusing it later, till then I’m dealing with the matter at hand. At the door stood the orchestrator of my woes, his plump lips stretched into a smile, what was the smile for, he couldn’t break my heart and return with a smile thinking that would solve everything no! , we’ve not reached there yet and we are definitely not going there.
“Welcome” I greeted nonchalantly looking away from his hypnotic eyes, I didn’t get angry just for my resolve to be weakened by his stupid sentiments.
“Don’t you dare come in here” I uttered my voice void of sleep, I wasn’t afraid but my heart was thumping loudly as he sauntered into the room, I wanted to look away but couldn’t his presence alone commanded that attention. I felt the bed dip as he sat before me, “I’m sorry” he whispered rubbing his nose against mine. I sat transfixed wishing I could pinch or slap myself to tell if it’s an hallucination, when the heart yearns for something the mind plays along by sometimes concocting things, some as weird as what I’m experiencing.
“Aw” I pulled away rubbing where he held, “sorry I didn’t know I had pinched you” I apologized trying to hold my laughter, this was definitely not an hallucination. My heart was glee with joy, maybe he’s a changed man I mused forgoing my earlier promise.
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What do you think Dan is up to scheming a bigger Ruin Salma plot or finally a changed, I seriously can't tell what he's up to, but I hope he's a changed man though 😅😂😂😂
Reine Reign
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