BOUND TO MY NEMESIS

12 ~ Clamored For War

Tears trickled down my face as I read the epilogue, they married for love but, the trials they went through though not unheard of, were challenging. Though different scenarios Afaf’s mother in law bears semblance with mom, “I’m not giving up on “US” Amdan , and I won’t live in a household I’m maltreated, no woman deserves to be abused physically, emotionally or verbally and I’m no exception, there is no backing out” I pep talked as I wiped my face off the tears that had stained it. “Ya Rabbi grant me the fortitude and patience to endure whatever this servant of yours throws my way and if” my lips quivered at the magnitude of the words I was about to utter “Ya Rabbi I don’t wish it to be so but if this union will in anyway endanger our relation please dissolve it in the smoothest way” I had promised myself not to shed tears but I couldn’t hold back the tears burning my tear duct for release, my throat felt stuffed with pain, I covered my mouth, my body wrecked as I sobbed my heart out.

I trudged to the bathroom and sat in the tub, then turned the faucet, the first drops that fell on my head mixed with the tears, deep into the night with no one but me and my Rabb I cried my heart out, the water falling from above masking my tears..

My heart felt lighter than before, I felt like a huge part of my problems had been shredded, grounded and blown to dust, I was clamored in the strongest of all armors ready to face this battle head on, tears are primary issues I’m getting to the root of whatever he’s saying I’ve caused and hopefully when I know, it will neither deter nor break me, if I’m the one at fault I’ll beg if I have to and if he’s the one in the wrong I shall readily forgive.

~°•°•°•~

I took two pills of advil to calm the oncoming headache and headed to the kitchen, come what may in shaa Allah he’ll eat his breakfast peacefully today. I glanced at the clock and smiled, time was on my hands, feast or not I contemplated as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, I was quite hopeful I won’t be meeting the monster Dan today, I sighed in exasperation the hope I had awakened with withering a bit.

I shook my head warding off the negativity and walked to the refrigerator, a simple breakfast should do, I took out fresh eggs, bacon, steak and a pack of shredded cheddar cheese.

I made burgers and omelette it might not be much of a feast but it would definitely suffice for a breakfast. I blended my banana and pear smoothie adding just the right amount of honey and milk. I huffed watching the wall clock in the kitchen before pulling a stool to sit on. I had more time to kill I finished the smoothie in large gulps licking off the moustache it had left in its wake.

I watched the clock again a satisfying smile adorning my face as I arranged everything on the huge tray, I couldn’t risk facing the humiliation I did the other time, ‘God, isn’t overcoming this the reason behind all this, leave no room for doubts” I heaved a sigh as the dinning area came into view, gently I placed the tray on the table and arranged everything according to order, following table etiquette.

Now what else should I do I mused staring at the perfectly arranged meal, following every table setting rule I knew, forks to the left knives to the right, I preferred doing it the other way round eating with the left hand just isn’t my style and it’s even not allowed in Islam, emulating satan isn’t worth it, the guy hates mankind why make him happy.

I huffed raising my eyes to the flight of stairs, as an after thought I switched the places of the fork and knife, to hell with table manners I thought as I walked to the stairs. I ran up the stairs huffing when I made it up I looked at the far right corner of the room and with as short gaits I could muster, walked to his room. My heartbeat picked up in fear and uncertainty, my semi fisted palm stopped halfway when the door I was about to knock on was pulled opened I looked at his suit clad body before looking up to meet his eyes a smile donning my face. “Good morning” I cheerily greeted ” let me help you” I offered already taking his suitcase from his hand. In my heart I was reciting whatever prayer came to mind. “Your breakfast is ready” I uttered as I descended the stairs. I stood at the foot of the stairs waiting for him to come down. “Hurry the food will get cold” I urged motioning for him to come down, I moved to the dinning area as he descended the stairs, I placed the suit case beside the chair and pulled the chair motioning for him to come sit down, “Well I know your famous mantra so I’m going to try it first” I muttered as a sliced the burger, I closed my eyes as I chewed it relishing the taste of the cheese. “Well sorry to disappoint you, you might as well finish it” my jaw stilled as I stared at him dumbfounded he shrugged picking up his suitcase “I’m fasting” he added then walked away, my brow creased “What would you like for iftar?” I asked, the loud bang of the door was my response.

I shrugged as I pulled the food to my side of the table, “I’m just not giving up this time” I muttered ditching the cutlery as I took the burger with my hand.

~°•°•°•~

“Mom!, that’s not up for discussion” I whined covering my face, “well I’ve learnt a lot from the story, and my intimate relationship is absolutely ok, and of course I’ve learnt a lot from Afaf and I’ll put it in practice” I quickly added before she asked more embarrassing questions. “I need to go start dinner before Dan arrive, I don’t want to keep him waiting he is fasting” I muttered as I rose from the couch. “OK, I also have a husband to cook for you know I’m off” she added the latter ending the call, “Mom will always be mom” I mumbled chortling as I walked to the kitchen.

I pulled a drawer and removed the dried partially grounded millet, the water had started boiling so I poured the millet in the water and covered it.

I added a little amount of shea butter after it had boiled, the room filled with the aroma of the porridge.

I washed dried dates and arranged it in a plate placing it on a tray, I added a packaged soft molten one at the side with a bowl of fruits to the side and carried it on my fingertips like my junior high school catering mistress had taught me.

I heard the lock of the main door turn followed by the creak of it opening, my lips automatically tugged up, I hurried to the dinning area and placed the tray on the table, he was already in the room “Welcome home” I greeted as sashayed to him I knew there was little bounce in my steps, I almost stilled when I saw the look in his eyes, I widened my smile and stretched out my hand to take his suitcase from his hand but he pulled it away, “Please. ….” I pled my voice taking on a sultriness I didn’t even know I possessed.

He released the handle and rushed upstairs, I rolled my eyes as I followed suit pouting a little, I stood behind him wondering why he was still holding the knob.

“You can drop it there and leave” he uttered turning the knob, my lower jaw dropped, my hands clenching and unclenching “Your iftar is downstairs, I’ll be waiting for you” my jaw clenched when the latter came off as a question “I’ll be waiting” I repeated placing the case on the floor and hurried away. I rolled my eyes as I descended the stairs imitating his annoying voice.

✨

I watched my wristwatch once again looking up to see if he was coming down, I started reciting every dua that came to mind as my temper flared, ‘don’t be angry, you just started this, are you giving up already’ I tapped my sleeping phone and held the edge of the table to rise but stopped when I heard the thumping of his shoe against the stairs hard wood floor.

I heaved a sigh when he made his way to the dinning area, the iftar notification blared on my phone, he recited the iftar prayer under his breath and scooped some of the soft dates from the package.

He spitted the seeds into his hand holding me captive with his eyes, my senses went haywire, his lips stretched into a smile, “Jazakillahi khair” he said as he walked from the table, “Wa iyyaka” I replied clutching my erratically beating heart. “Alhamdulillah” I repeatedly muttered my lips widened in a smile from which's source I’ve only known pain.

💞