BOUND TO MY NEMESIS

17 ~ The Storm Of Pain

It hurts my heart felt like it was ablaze, I could feel my heart throb with the rest of my body, I clenched my lids wishing the horrible memory away, how could he?

My heart shed the tears my eyes were refusing to let go, all my life I’ve planned everything in accordance.

Since I knew of my betrothal he has been the only man I pictured being married to, we would get married utterly in love with each other. Ours would be one for the books and movies.

We’ll have the most beautiful wedding and our love will be evident to all, our first love making will be one of the best experiences in our life, it will be in accordance with the suggestions of the Rasul Allah(s.a.w).I would stand behind him as he leads us in prayer, and when we bow in sujood I’ll ask for the best afterwards I will shyly eat from his hands and feed him with a beaming heart praying we dwell in happiness for eternity.

All I have ever wished for was to be loved, I lost that love with my dad.

Was that why he acted like he did? And what was he accusing us of, what did he mean by I was a whiny child?

I looked over at his sleeping form on the couch then looked away fighting the surging murderous feeling within me, stabbing him won’t be a bad idea, he deserved it.

He acted like an animal with me, they are the only ones that mate with their partners the way he did with me, what kind of hatred did he have for me to even do that? He showed me his true colors. I’ve always tagged men who force themselves on women as the enemy and he was now one, he was my nemesis and I am bounded to him for life, maybe.

I closed my eyes as pain rippled through my body, I felt like I had been ran over by a truck then tumbled down a thorny cliff, everywhere ached.

The room was dimly lit but I could still make things out, slowly I rose from the bed closing my eyes at the mess on it, my hand wandered on the bed and I pulled at the material my fingers grasped loosely wrapping it around my body. I wanted to go to my room but a part of me wanted to stay, not to ask him for forgiveness not to beg for him to stop inflicting pain on my heart and body, no, I wasn’t going to do any of those. I was going to look him in the eye and tell him the kind of man he was, forcing himself on me made him lose the all marks in my book.

I trudged to the bathroom not minding to close the door because it was of no use, I eased into the jacuzzi all fascination I had for it dissipated. I pushed the faucet closing my eyes as droplets of water fell on my skin, I slowly rose and did my ghusl (cleansing bath) wrapped a large robe around my body and performed ablution.

He was still asleep when I reentered the room, I closed my eyes to reign in the anger that was bubbling within me, I’d kill him a thousand times if I was as heartless as him but I wasn’t, I am human and will act as such.

My lower part stung when I walk but I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of seeing me low I was going to look all dolled up, I walked to the door and turned the knob but it was locked, I turned around and went to his closet.

Not even my fury state blinded me to the beauty he had for a closet I looked around the huge walk-in closet looking for where I could find a thobe, a hysterical laugh escaped my lips when I remembered I had promised to make a thobe my nightwear because he had seen me in my half naked night suit. I snug one from the neatly arranged folds not caring to rearrange the ones that fell and rushed out of the closet.

I closed my eyes as I pushed my head into it warding off the memory of last night as his custom scent engulfed my nostrils.

I looked around the room looking for my veil, I picked it from my scattered clothes my heartbeat picking up from the horrendous scene, I blinked my eyes to ward off the welling tears, I am no longer going to waste my tears for his sake.