Dreams Over Reality

Who I am

What really is it? What is wrong with you? Bipolar? Probably. Insane? Most likely.
My name is Emmanuel Acosta.
I am turning 16 years old this summer if I happen to live that long.
I have two brothers and both my parents are in my life.
I have a girlfriend whom where we stand even I dont know.
This is who I am from what I can remember.
I live a simple life I guess. I wake up and go to school. After that I come home and destroy myself looking at a T.V. for the rest of the day.
Nothing changes much from there. Same thing every single day. I don't have many friends. The friends I do have live quite a bit away. I dont like going outside alone from fear of looking out of place. I am very self conscience of the way I look and belittle myself to feel better.
I try to find ways to keep myself entertained. No one really contacts me at home. I dont live a very social life. I want to have fun like everyone else but feel the need to stray away.
I only ever go to my girlfriend's house when permitted and thats about as rare as I leave the house by myself.
I am not allergic to many things but I do know Im allergic to cats and dogs only very slightly.
I don't know my blood-type and I think that's bad.
My hobbies include reading, writing, listening to music, drawing and playing video games.
I strive to become the "Steven Spielberg" of my time.
I don't support myself.
I never felt the need to cause self-worth.
Others do that for me and so I, in a way, live off of their support.
I don't ask for it but i'll take it.
In recent times I have been losing myself. Which has begun the reason to write this.
Is is April 29th.
13:45 P.M.
I have lost the sanity I once felt was needed in my life.
I am no longer sane enough to want to live.
I've realized that you changed me.
I dislike that change.
I became reliant on you only to be let down.
You got what you wanted but didn't know what to do with it.
I am afraid to leave you.
I have become this former shell of a guy.
Inside I am dead.
Im sorry I am too difficult to manage now.
I'm sorry I changed so drastically but without your care I have been misguided.
Whether or not I am forgiven is up to you.
I wanted to be the best for you but I guess I will never be.
It's a repetition of fact that revolves in my head.
I have failed.
I am just failure.
This is who I am and I'm sorry.