Dreams Over Reality

Forgiveness

There's a list in the back of my mind trying to write down all of what I want on a list of what's good and bad.

I didn't think it could get so bad until I realized that wanting you was bad.

Why would it be?

It seems that whenever I want something to benefit me

It is bad for me.

Like wanting to be happy is suddenly the worst thing in the world.

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with you?

Why did things turn out the way that they did?

I will never get an answer, will I?

It's like these thoughts of a better future for myself are constantly placed in confessions as if I'm asking for forgiveness.

The one thing I could never ask for is the one thing that I get.

The problem about forgiveness is that it seems to show up in many forms that try to make it easier for me to understand but miraculously push my comprehension in another direction.

I didn't expect myself to give up and beg for an inevitable end.

I guess that regardless of what I truly want

i'll always get what I'm meant to have.

Regardless of how I feel or perceive it.

This constant string of directions and advice pushes and pulls at my heart as if trying to lead me in a hundred places at once.

I didn't expect to care about which direction I wanted to go until I felt you.

I felt the soul that I wanted to feel and the one that didn't give me forgiveness.

The one soul that I wanted gave me what the list said.

All of my goods are given the way that I wrote them and they ended up giving me more than I could ever hope for when driven by fate and destiny.

Unless

my destiny was to go down this path and lead me into an inevitable life of constant heartbreak and disarray.

Regardless of whichever it is, I'm glad.

I'm glad that I crossed paths with you and all of the things we accomplished and regardless of how many issues i have and how many problems that I hide

you were there.

But you'll never know how much it hurts to tell me that you forgive me.

You'll never understand the pain I feel when you come close to forgiving our past.

Forget it all and stop forgiving me.