Dreams Over Reality

Confliction Among Multiple Hearts

I don't really understand my emotions sometimes.
Then again, nobody ever really does.
My mind always battles with my heart and that just makes it worse.
My mind tells me to be sad, but my heart tells me to find happiness.
I don't know which will benefit me more.
Though I'm sure both will have their own benefits.
Nonetheless I don't know which one will grant me an eternal sleep faster.
Happiness can kill, sadness can kill, love can kill, and I don't know where I fall.
I fall in love and find my happiness only for it to fail and bring me to sadness.
Maybe they're all connected.
Maybe they're not connected at all and I'm just cursed.
My name is cursed.
My biology cursed.
My existence, just cursed.
The heart of my ambition collides with the heart of my body.
Suddenly I'm no longer smiling and staring towards the future.
I'm crying in fetal while the burning shower peels at my skin.
My eyes bloodshot from tears and staying up long hours at night.
I can't control it.
I can't conquer it.
It's just part of me now.
The ambitious nature of my mind persists and it persuades me to push forward but I'm lacking the mental capacity.
How can I succeed when I am who I am?
How can I survive being who I am?
How can I become better when I'm destined to be to I'm meant to be?
Don't answer.
There's no point.