Dreams Over Reality

A Love I Never Knew

- For Savannah -

May 25th, 2019 we got together.

We met on May 21st, 2019.

We had to go our separate ways May 29th, 2019.

For some reason the short amount of time we spent together was almost like a dream.

I gave you my number so you could have someone to talk to when you were down.

It worked.

Though the original idea seemed to stray as we talked.

Same birthday, same likes and hobbies.

Fortunately I fell in love with you.

Unfortunately I fell extremely hard, as did you.

Then you told me about being a Mormon and going on a mission that would send you away for 18 months.

As we cried on the phone that night. . .

You said you'd give me the 6 months of everything you had.

As much as I thought I could convince you to keep me around, you were too strong for me.

Your strength overpowered our love and I could never take that away from you.

What I thought was another fan turned into a perfect girl to me.

You were everything I had ever wanted.

Everything that I could have ever asked for and yet. . .

I still had to let you go.

No matter what I did to try and make things easier for us, nothing could keep us together.

Not the laughs we shared, the smiles we had staring into each other's eyes, or even the love we birthed together.

You gave me the most genuine version of myself in such a short period of time I'm almost sure you were an angel.

I'm just sad that I have to lose you.

I'm sad that those laughs will never be the same. Those smiles will never be the same.

More importantly, the love will never be the same ever again.

Savannah, I know you might not read this and that's okay to me.

I know what love is to me.

I know what it feels like in my heart and in my mind.

I love you.

As short as our time was together, I knew that I was in love with you so desperately.

I was ready to engage in a whole new lifestyle just to be sure that I could secure a future with you.

Unfortunately you did not feel that I could do it and that no matter what I did, we could never be together.

It pains me so much to know that I love you and there's nothing I can do about it to make it work.

I though about literally flying out there to join your church to be together and all of that.

To be a Mormon to be able to secure a future with you.

I would still do it if you asked me to.

I would do it if it meant I could be with you.

I have this love for you that only one person has ever drawn from me before.

It's so intense and deep I literally would have changed my entire life for you.

Savannah, I know.

You don't think we're meant to be together because God has something planned for you.

As much as it makes me cry, I think you're right.

Even if you do remember me after it's all said and done, I know that you still have a part of my heart that nobody can have.

I loved your smile, your laugh, your humor, your beautiful face, and just everything about you made me feel happy.

Genuine happiness that I wish I could have forever.

Unfortunately, I live this curse that won't let me be happy.

So in the end I love you so much I have to live with this idea that I can never have you forever.

I'm so grateful to have met you that I can't even explain what you mean to me.

The love I felt for you was more than real, it was genuine and pure.

I love you.