Dreams Over Reality

Your True Colors

Real shit, I hope you read this.
I really really do.
I held back on what I wanted to say because saying it directly wasn't worth another argument that woulda been one-sided like talking to a fucking wall.
I loved you, but as soon as you told me that I hurt you when you broke my heart is when I knew the reality of who you are.
When you told me that you had no choice but you still CHOSE to break my heart was when I knew you were a manipulative piece of shit.
How could I hurt you when I WASNT READY to tell you what was going on?
How could I hurt you when you FORCED ME to tell you what was going on or else I'd lose you?
Yeah, you definitely cared about me.
What a fucking joke.
So now ima show you my true colors.
Yeah, I did love and care about you.
I did what I could for you because I thought you were worth the time and effort but clearly I wasn't to you.
Let me ask you something.
What would you do if someone chose to leave you when you were scared?
More importantly if someone trusts you, why would you break their heart if they're scared and worried?
See I held back information because I was scared and not thinking correctly and instead she chose to be a selfish little wretch.
I don't ask anyone for help if I know I can deal with it in silence.
It would be okay if I were an asshole to you and didn't care and never tried to make you smile but I always did my best to make you happy when you were sad and listen to your problems.
You really sat there, lying about how I forced you to make your choice when I sat there begging for your help.
I begged for some form of comfort, even the smallest bit and you chose yourself because I was scared to tell you.
I don't wish or hope harm upon you.
I don't wish death or anything ill to fall upon your life.
I hope you succeed.
I hope you live a happy life.
I hope you have wealth and a great future.
However I hope you never find a partner again.
I hope you don't find a parter again so you don't emotionally manipulate them to be 200% honest with you.
I hope you never give someone a fucking redundant ultimatum again.
Who the fuck would ask someone to be unsafe and uncomfortable just to make you happy?
Selfish.
Truly selfish.
You didn't care how I felt.
Didn't care about my fears, or my emotions.
You only cared about reserving your mental state and happiness.
Especially while mine was dwindling because of your selfish choices.
I woulda sat there no matter how dire the situation and helped you.
I don't give a fuck what it woulda been, I would have given you my complete support and helped build you back up.
But I know you wouldn't have done the same for me.
Even as a friend you wanted to be, I know you woulda ran if I had asked you for help.
You ran before, you'll run again.
You'll always run from your problems because you can't help yourself.
If you do get a partner, I really hope you don't decide to run from their problems when you're supposed to be together.
But I know you'll run.
I know you'll never sit there and help them through their time of need.
I know you'll lie about being there and I know you'll lie about trying your best.
That's what you do.
Granted I know I wasn't the best friend.
I know I wasn't the greatest person in the world.
I've made mistakes and I've owned up to them, I've worked hard to fix my faults.
But you would never acknowledge that.
All you would ever think about is what you want and what benefits you.
The devil inside of you shows more than your false smile.
Yeah I know I'm a fucking nihilistic cynic, but I'm honest with myself.
I know I'm an asshole who deserved worse than death.
I know everything bad about myself.
But you can't own up to any of your own faults.
God knows how much I want to wish bad shit to happen to you, but I know I'm better than that.
I'm better than hoping you die or catch something or lose everyone.
I'm way better than that.
So I hope you get shit thrown in your face and you truly get fucking help.
Don't ever talk to me, or about me.
You don't deserve a second chance and I won't come back to you for shit.
I won't say nothing to you because you'll hide behind your shitty persona and lie to everyone else like you did me.
So yeah I hope you read all of this and realize that I saw through your stupid manipulation.
A waste of fucking time is what you are.
So yeah, show your true colors to everyone like you did to me.