~ Spoby one shots ~

With or Without you.

As the bouquet fell on the floor, Toby's hopes and dreams fell apart as well.
It took him a few seconds to realize what was going on, to realize that all his happiness was gone just like that.
He stood there, saying nothing, waiting for someone to arrive, to do something...

A nurse end up arriving around 15 minutes after it happened.
She panicked and called her superior. A few doctors came and took Yvonne away. He looked at her one last time and stayed on his chair, still steady as a rock.
The last nurse took the monitor and asked Toby to clear the room and that she'll come with paperwork afterwards.
He got up and followed her.
In the middle of the hallway, the double door opened: it was Spencer.
The moment he saw her, he couldn't hold on anymore, he wanted to explode.
He approached her and fell on the floor as she caught him. He started to cry, to cry his dead wife on his ex's arms. At first, she did not understand what was happening, that was until it hit her and she started to cry with him.

During this long compassion hug, they both realized nothing was ever going to be same anymore...
Despite this, Spencer knew she had to be there for him: after all this time she was still his same place to land when something was wrong.

For weeks, he didn't talk or eat much. He could barely sleep or get out of the house. Spence did her best to make him feel better, she took care of him like he did after the doll house, but nothing helped. The girls told Spencer to give him some time alone, but she wouldn't listen. She felt guilty about this. Without knowing why, she felt like she was the reason of her death, of the accident.

After thinking about it, she decided to tell him, to get this off her chest.
She was waiting for the meal to be ready, Toby was laying on the couch, the TV on. She went, sat next to him and began talking.

- Listen I. I know you hate this, me being here all the time. But i owe you this Toby. I never told you but even since your accident, ever since i got shot, i feel responsible. I feel like Karma is punishing me for doing what I did that day. I shouldn't have come, i shouldn't have. Everything is my fault and I know that you hate me, you have every right to.  I. I think i'm gonna leave now, maybe hire a Nurse or something.

She got up but Toby took her hand and made her sit. She didn't resist and looked at him for a second. He looked tired, his hair dirty (his clothes as well), his beard not shaved... His blue eyes still made her feel the butterflies, but it wasn't the moment.
He finally spoke after 10 sec

- You're not leaving.

- It's for the best Toby. A tear ran down her cheek as she heard him make a real sentence for the first time in months.

- I am. He got up, took his car keys and left, leaving Spencer alone in his living room.

She yelled his name, saying it wasn't safe with his state but what could she do ? What was the point of keeping him here and making him unhappy ?
She put her head in her hands and cried, for hours or so. She kept thinking that these past few weeks, months were nothing but useless. That everything she did just made him unhappier than he already was.

____

The weeks passed and passed, but Toby was still unfound.
She stopped looking for him, she asked everyone to stop. "Time is the best healer for broken hearts" she was telling herself

She visited Yvonne's grave a few times, the only new flowers she was getting was Spencer's: which means that Toby was far, far away.
During her third visit, it was raining and the cemetery was empty.
The guilt was eating her, telling Toby was not enough, Yvonne needed to know.
She looked at the Gravestone before sitting with her umbrella on some place that wasn't wer. "Yvonne Cavanaugh" This name was hers now, and nothing will ever take it back.