Whispers

Sexuality Rant

So I was on a walk today, walking the dog. And I just started thinking about gender roles, because I'd earlier seen a video about Dan Howell's rant about it on a live stream he did. He was saying how stupid gender roles are, and how men and women can wear whatever they want, do whatever they want, and be whoever they want without criticism. And I'm thinking, I wish I didn't have this mindset. I wish I grew up learning about gay couples and lesbian couples and transgenders and all these other genders, etc, etc, etc. But the thing is, it's not that I was raised badly, but ever since growing up I've just had this straight mindset. In my future I saw myself with a boyfriend or a husband. We could both work, and little did I know at the time I'd be making less. Men are supposed to go to war, women did most of the housework, men couldn't wear dresses or put nail polish on, or they'd be girly and teased for it. Women couldn't play sports with men. Women wouldn't date women, men couldn't date men. It just wasn't normal. I never saw myself as being able to with a girl until my mom brought a woman to Delaware to live with us. It was inconceivable to me; how could my mom love that woman?  She was older for one, and she was a woman. This weirded my ten-year-old mind out, even though I'd never said so. It wasn't until this time last year, or even before I believe, that I began to question my sexuality because I'd had feeling for one of my close friends, and some mixed for another close friend, according to my diary. BUT ANYWAY. Not the point. The point is, I wish I could have been brought up with all of the sexualities, so that I was comfortable with all of them by this time. I'm still uncomfortable around any other gender besides a definite boy or girl.
The point is, when I was on my walk, I was thinking today that I if I ever brought children into this world, or adopted, either way I want to bring them up with all of the sexualities, and have them feel comfortable with whoever they are. I want then to be free, truly free. I want to give them what I couldn't have myself. I wanted them to be who they are, be whatever they want to be, whoever they want to be, and be truly accepting of others. Wouldn't that be a beautiful world? Unfortunately, that's not the way it is. Sadly, that isn't this world. I would want it to be this way, and I would try to help by raising children this way. But I don't know how. I don't believe I could do it. At all. I'm not good with people, strangers. I'm awkward and I second-guess and doubt myself nonstop. I don't think I could raise kids, I'm too..unstable maybe, or weak for lack of better words. I just don't feel I could raise kids. I can't even keep a stable relationship. I don't know. Rant over I guess. Thanks for listening, if you are.

Written: 5/10/17