Whispers

Almost

I almost gave up.

I almost kissed her.

I almost took out the blade.

I almost believed in forever.

I did take out the blade.

I did cry my eyes out.

I did fall in love.

I did fall out of love.

I did learn to hate.

I did learn to love.

I did learn to speak the truth.

I did learn to believe in myself.

I regret not kissing her. I really do. I think about it randomly.

I regretted hurting people, but the people I hurt I now hate. The people whom I hurt hurt me, but they never apologized. 

I did.

I don't regret the things I did, but I regret that one almost. Because that one almost could have turned into a first for me, and it would have been special. It would have been amazing. It would have been perfect. It may be my worst regret right now. I wanted it to be you.

But the truth is, I can't go back. I can't change the past. What happened, happened. What I regret I cannot do now. What I can see is the future. And yes, C, I remember our conversation about that. I understand now. You can't change the past. The future is all you can look forward to, it's under your control, for the most part. You can do what you want with it, it's where hope lies. And that is the best thing you can have in life. Hope. Because it's what keeps you going. It's what keeps you strong. 

It's time to move on. And I have.

I don't regret most of the things I've done in my past because it built me as a person.

All you can do is learn from the past.

Written (for the most part, at least when the idea occurred): 5/15/17 11:14pm

Everything will be okay, I promise. Stay strong, please don't take your own life.

I can't have fear anymore. Fear only holds me back. If I like someone, I'm going to tell them. Hopefully. If they like me and tell me, I can't be on the fence anymore if I like them back. Because fear is what caused my almosts. Fear is what caused my regret. I don't want to let the happen again.

Written: 5/16/17 7:07am