Whispers

I wish

I wish I didn't fuck myself up

I wish I could just fucking cry

I wish I could let myself be upset

I wish my emotions weren't stuffed into a bottle

I thought this was over, I thought we were done

But according to you and the way I am now,

We're not

We never were

Deep down I knew

But I didn't want to accept it

I paint my nails black because I know you'll come back

I wish I could just let it all out

I wish I could sob into someone's arms

Be alone

No one else there, just them and I

Curled on a couch in an empty, quiet roon

I beat myself up, don't I ?

I can't believe I'm still doing this

But I am

And I will

And I don't know how to fix myself

Do I even want to ?

I don't know

What I do know is

All I do is hide

From my problems

From my emotions

From my friends

From the world

When I'm alone in my room, 

I'm never really alone

I still feel your embrace

And it's so empty

Written: 3/6/18 close to 6pm idk ?