Whispers

~Rant~ ((get used to these))

I thought I was done with you.
But you still haunt my thoughts.

Why?
I was done with you. 

Done with your hurt, done with your hate, done with your lies.
But somehow you're still there.

"Just forget about me"
Forget about you? Are you kidding? I could never, even if I wanted to.
You're still there.
The dagger has been pulled out of me, the whole stitched up, yet the memories or your wound still stabs me. 

I miss you. 
I guess I do. 
I miss our talks. I miss our laughter. I miss our friendship.

I think you might too. I hope you're hurt. Not because I want you hurt necessarily, but because that would prove you cared about me and our friendship. 

And thinking about it tonight, I think you did, At one point, or most of the time at least. But in the end it seemed like you didn't and you never tried to text me either.

This is mostly to L, but also some to A.

Tbh though I hope that they both hurt. A more than L. A hurt me and so many other sweet people who didn't deserve to be hurt at all. Yet she chose to. L, I know you used to care and maybe you still do because I kept getting emails from Twitter, and I realized you changed your name to the nickname I used to call you that you hated. 

I have hope that it's a sign. A sign that you cared and are now hurting because I'm gone.

I just felt like ranting. So get used to it because I do it a lot.

Now to H, who I've never introduced before. I hope you're okay and I miss talking to you because when I broke down last night you were there to talk to me and cheer me up. 

But part of me is skeptical of you. I don't really want to believe it, but what if you're lying about not being able to talk to me? What if it's all a trick? What if you're not real?

This why I hate making internet friends because you never know if they're real. You never know if they're telling the truth. You never really know anything. 

God, I sound like my parents and I hated when they said that but I guess it's the truth even though I wish it wasn't.

Another thing, to C: I miss seeing your comments or your votes on my stories because I got used to seeing them and I felt loved because no one's ever payed attention to my writing and it's how I express my feelings. Are you upset with me? I don't know if you're upset or if you've lost interest or something. Just thought I'd say that, but it doesn't mean I'll stop writing. But I'll just be writing to no one again. Like I have before.

Written: 5/24/17 9:20pm