perilous ➳ jensoo [on hold]

二十五 ( j i s o o )

we decided on eating chicken and watching whatever was on tv. i proposed going to the living room since there was a coffee table to put our food, but jennie insisted on staying in her bedroom because her bed was comfier.

"won't we get your sheets dirty though?" i asked as we settled on the bed while we watched a random tv movie.

"they'll get dirty anyways." she replied nonchalantly. my eyes grew wide. "what?" she asked and then understood. "i didn't mean it like that! i didn't think we were going to sleep together or anything. i mean it as in bed sheets need to be washed over time."

"us, sleeping together?! i was thinking of you with another girl!"

"another girl?! why would i bring another girl here when you're here?" her voice rising.

"not while i'm here. after i leave." i rolled my eyes at her.

"so? i just hung out with you? i wouldn't bring someone else to my house... that's just weird. plus, who would i even bring back?" she asked.

"i don't know. sabina? another random girl maybe?" i retorted and immediately regretted it. jennie's face dropped and she shut her mouth. "i didn't me--"

"is that how you see me? do you think of me the same way everybody else does?" she asked and her voice is much softer this time. she sounds so fragile. she looks down, as if she's ashamed to even glance my way. she looks so broken and... different. she doesn't seem like the jennie we all know, fear and/or admire. "you think i'm just some girl who sleeps around with people, right? a girl who goes drinking every weekend, goes to drag races to get some kind of rush in her life, bikes out of town just to see if her parents will ever care about her. a girl who'll never be good enough for you... for anyone."

i frown and my heart breaks hearing jennie voice out thoughts she has probably kept to herself her whole life. "no, i didn't mean anything i said. i just... i don't know what went through my head." i really didn't. i had no idea why i said those harsh words to her because she was my friend. i had no right to be mean to her. why did i even have those thoughts?

she finally looked up and i got a a glimpse of a defeated jennie. "you said those words because that's how you truly feel about me... that's how everyone feels about me." she said, her voice breaking. "i'm sorry. i ruined our... whatever this was suppose to be."

"no--"

"i think you should leave." she whispered and got up.

"jennie--"

"go... please." she pleaded and by the sound of her voice, she couldn't take much more before breaking down.