Boy Meets Boy

It Hurts

I hate to spoil my own warning, but a trigger warning is in order for this chapter on the grounds of self-harm. Viewer discretion advised

"You did what?!" Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"We became animagi; that way we can help you with your monthly issue." James looked like he thought he was a genius.

"No! I won't let you put yourself in danger on my behalf. Absolutely not. No, Sirius, I don't want to hear it. This is the stupidest thing you guys have done so far. I can't believe you." Remus was fuming as he walked away, leaving his friends gobsmacked in his wake.

"Hey Sirius, what's got your boyfriend in such a-" James looked at his friend to see a crestfallen face and glassy eyes. "Hey, buddy, you ok?" James was concerned about his friend, who just nodded and hid behind the curtains on his bed. James let him have some time for himself. He and Peter played some wizard chess the rest of the morning. Neither of them saw Sirius the rest of the morning, just the red curtains.

"Sirius, come on, let's go to dinner. We missed lunch, and all of us need to eat." Peter's voice betrayed his tentativeness. But the small teen received no answer, so he and James left to eat, promising their friend they'd bring him food. "James, do you think he will be ok?"

"I'm sure he will. He just needs some time, Pete." James flashed a reassuring smile.

"How do we get him to come out? Usually, Remus would know how to do that. He was really mad this morning, wasn't he?" Peter sounded just a little sad.

"Yeah, yeah he was. Come on, I'm starving, and I know if I'm hungry, then you are too." All conversation ended then, and the two boys ate quickly and quietly. Once they finished, they took som biscuits and sausage in napkins to their dorm. Sirius was still hiding in his bed, so they just left the food on his bedside table. Remus must have returned to the dorm because his curtains were also closed.

"Remus, can we talk?" James stood between his and Remus' bed.

"No, you can just fuck off, Potter. I don't want to even look at any of you right now." The tone of Remus' voice was harsh, and a barely audible hiccup was heard from Sirius' bed. James let out a sigh and went to his own bed. Maybe his friend would feel better in the morning, and all this would be behind them.

In fact, Remus spoke to none of them the rest of the week. Soon, one week melded into two weeks which turned into a month. Sirius only left his hiding spot to go to classes and use the bathroom. He barely ate anymore, and James was worried about the fact that his friend had begun to lose weight. He had also grown pale and looked as if he never slept. Finally, James had had enough.

"Remus John Lupin, I have some words for you!" James stormed into the library, earning a glare from Pince, which he didn't even notice.

"I have nothing to say to you." Remus never even looked up from his book.

"Good, then you can listen. I don't give a shit that you are mad at me. It was my idea, to begin with. And I can handle the silence. But what you are doing to Sirius is cruel. He doesn't talk anymore, nor does he eat. I think he only had a single biscuit yesterday, based on how much of the food I brought him ended up in the rubbish bin. He doesn't sleep, despite only leaving his bed for classes. He cries every night, and he won't even look at Pete and me. He looks at you during class, and every time you ignore him or glare at him, I have to watch my best friend fight tears." James was leaning close to Remus, demanding his attention, and ensuring his presence couldn't be ignored.

"Don't be so dramatic. Sirius is fine. He is just a drama queen." Remus waved his hand dismissively. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am trying to read. I will leave you three to your illegal stupidity."

"Damn it, Remus! He fucking loves you, and you are behaving like a right git! He's hurting, a lot, and you are the only one who can't see that. McGonnagoll hasn't even given him detention for failing to hand in his essay, is how pathetic it's become. He's lost weight, to the point that I'm worried he'll fall over any day now. You know yesterday was the only day he ate this week? And it's Saturday. I don't give a damn how mad you are, you need to go up there and fix this or I'll jinx you and take you up there myself." James was now red in the face, anger making his voice scary quiet.

"Why hasn't he come to talk to me? Why didn't he see me in the Wing two days ago? He's made no effort to speak to me, to apologise." Remus was finally looking at James.

"You haven't exactly given him a chance. You said you didn't even want to look at us, and he took that to heart. You haven't been around the tower, except to sleep, you won't even look at him. He thinks you've broken up with him. You know what he said the day after the fight? That he was sorry that he had hurt you, and was scared you'd left. And then he cried in the bathroom for an hour before hiding again. That was the last time he spoke to me. After that, every time I tried to open his curtains, he hexed me. He body bound poor Peter. We are his only family, now Remus. You know what his parents are like. You can't do this to the poor kid." James grabbed Remus by the arm and shirt and dragged him up to the Gryffindor tower. "Get in there and fix this, or I'll tie you to your bedpost." James shoved him roughly into the dorm, closing the door behind him. Remus sighed and walked over to Sirius' bed.

"Sirius, stop being so dramatic and go tell James you're ok, and end this non-" Remus stopped short at what he saw. Sirius sat there, crying, burn marks and blood blemished his pyjama sleeves. "Sirius?" Remus' voice came out barely a whisper. Sirius didn't move, didn't answer. Remus grabbed his boyfriend's arm and pulled back his sleeve. "What have you done to yourself, love?" Tears slowly and quietly moved down Remus' face. "We need to get you to the Wing, Sirius. Come on." Sirius still didn't move, still as the statues above the entrance hall. Not knowing what else to do, he lifted the other boy off the bed and carried him down the stairs, passing a gaping James and a nervous Peter.Neither spoke but followed Remus as he walked to the Hospital Wing.

When they arrived at their destination, Remus sat on a bed, setting the other boy on his lap and refusing to let go as James got Madam Pomfrey. Even when the Matron arrived, Remus refused to let go of the boy who had begun sobbing against his chest. Remus was still crying quietly, whispering apologies over and over again as the nurse healed the wounds on Sirius' skin. No one asked any questions, and when Pomfrey was done, the two crying teens were left in privacy.

"Sirius, why did you do this to yourself?" Remus placed his chin on his boyfriend's head.

"I thought you weren't coming back, and that hurt so much, Remus. It just hurts so much, all of it. I can't stand it. Everything is too much." Sirius' tears were renewed as his voice cracked and it sounded like the cries were ripped out of his chest. It absolutely broke Remus' heart. He had promised he would never make Sirius feel the way his family did, and he had failed. Remus hated himself at that moment. He had failed the one person he thought he never would. He held Sirius as the boy would physically fall apart otherwise, though it felt more like he was holding himself together by having Sirius in his arms. He vowed to himself that he'd do better.