Thats gay dude.. (Completed)

☆ 29 ☆

Tw: self harm, suicide mention.

I kept seeing him. He wouldnt look at me. He hangs out with Edd and Matt. They wont look at me either.

Did he tell them?

No, he just told them what i did to him.

They hate me.

Tom knows my deepest secret and he wont even give me a glance.

When ever i leave my room my parents ask if im okay. I say yes but they can see past me.

But they dont ask what happened.

I think my eyes are permanently red.

What was worse? Tom being dead? Or Tom hating me?

Either way both sucks.

I have to buy some scar cream. I dont know if ill stop what im doing.

Tom has so many reasons to hate me.

Who would love me?

I dont think my own parents love me at this point.

Im staring at the ceiling. My bed isnt comforting. My bed is disgusting. I hate my bed.

I stand up, and walk to the middle of my floor. I sit down.

I want him to forgive me. But thats wrong. If he forgave me, then hes forgiving that gross old man.

I miss him.

What is the point...

I can feel myself drifting. My head isnt there. Who would i be if i took my own life.

Who would be sad to see me gone.

No one?

No one...

I get up with out thinking. I take my jacket off. I open my drawer, i pick up the blade.

Why? Why am i like this? What happened to me? What happened to me?

Little lines turn into big lines. Thick lines that cover my skin. Lines that will be my new skin.

Pathetic.

Im pathetic.

I want him back. I want to take back what ive done. I need to take it back.

I cant rewind time.

Buzz

Why did i do it

Buzz

Why cant i stop

Buzz

Why am i here

Buzz

What?

Buzz

I snap out of my head. My phone, my phone is buzzing. I set down the blade and look at the mess ive made. I feel sick. My hand is numb, my other is shaking. I look at my phone, and walk over.

...its Tom

Hes calling me.

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

My body wont move. I watch my chance slip away. The call goes to voice mail and i feel sick again.

The screen flashes his name as it starts buzzing again.

I reach out and look at it.

He wants to talk to me.

I answer.

"Tom?" My voice sounds broken.

"Tord," he can tell.

"Tord... ive been thinking, and i know how wrong my desision is..." his voice is shaky, hes crying.

"Tord this is so hard. I want to forgive you, but every time i think about it...i just, i love you, but how could i ever live with myself if i let you think its okay..."

I choke out "n-no i dont think its okay"

"...how would i trust you again..."

I hiccup. "I-it was a one time thing. It would never happen again."

Hes still crying.

"T-Tom ill do anything!"

"T-Tord..."

"P-please! Please Tom"

He doesnt say anything.

"Please, please... Tom... im so sorry"

Nothing.

"T-Tom, anything..."

Minutes pass.

"F-fine. Tord, im going to think... stay in touch."

"O-okay! I-i will, t-thank you ..."

He hangs up.

He doesnt hate me.

He forgave me.

I look at his bear.

I need to change my sheets.

Ok,, i have ideas of what to make Tord do, but im not sure. Sooo, if any ones got any ideas theyd like to share, go ahead and share em.

Also, its so horrible to forgive someone who raped you? Ik, but i let it happen because it was an honestly one time thing. Not to mention, none of you know what tom was thinking when it happened. You will soon though.