Texting / Shawn Mendes

Difficulties.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 17. You know, getting older is not fun since your priorities change, but I decided to embrace it. I don't mind getting older, I'm just not a big fun of changes. I have the same routine since forever and I love it because that's what I'm used to. It may sound odd or boring to some people but it makes you feel stable and safe.

No surprises, no crying, nothing unpleasand because nothing changes.
This year, my 17th year on this planet, I made the big decision. I stepped outiside of my comfort zone and decided to upgrade my routine. You may ask why but as I said priorities change. I decided to have a hobby. Well, my last hobby was drawing but I gave up on it years ago, when I realized that I was horrible at it. So working out and taking care of myself sounds good and that's exactly what I chose.

This evening, I'm jogging around my neighborhood. My ponytail gives me a headache and my legs are killing me but I guess that is what you get when you don't work out as much as you should. When it got darker, I made my way back home.

Shawn and I haven't talked for what feels like a century.
We don't talk anymore, but I'm okay with that, as long as he's happy.

He's way too focused on tour and well... I'm miserably trying to focus on other things. I spend my whole life, preparing myself for my future, making sure that my expectations will one day be fullfilled but... I lost my focus. I've spent my life thinking that I'm prepared to face anything and everything that will prevent me for achieving my aims but... we can't predict life no matter how hard we try and I realized it the hard way. You have the illusion that you have your life under control but you don't...you just fool yourself. I'm getting more tired as days pass by, due to the lack of sleep and it's impossible for me to study that much. I'm moody all the time and I barely talk with anyone. So many powerful events held place in my life, making my goals and expectations look so distand and no matter how hard I'm trying to swim in this ocean full of dificulties, I sink even more. I reached the bottom and I'm out of strength to come back up...

Dificulties is a part of life but what if I'm not prepare to combat them? What if I stay in the bottom forever? What if that leaves me behind? What if no one cares that I'm drowning? What if...
Those thoughts and if's keep me up all night...

Reaching my house, I sit on the couch listening to my mum singing silently while cooking. Her hips moving slightly with the rythm of the song that was playing on the radio and her face focused on whatever she was cooking. I smiled at the view and walked in.

I could now listen to "Perfect" playing on the radio and I sang along. My mom jumped when she heard me and the fork that she was holding fell from her hands. She picked it up and placed it in the sink. She turned around, closed the radio and reduced the heat on the oven. Here we go...

"Are you okay baby?" She asked worried, her eyes scanning me.

"I've been better." I replied and I opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

She followed me and placed her hands on my shoulder, stopping me from walking away. Her eyes were examining my face.

"Mom, I'm fine." I said trying to convinve her and get myself out of this conversation.

"Malia, I know that it's hard for you deal with everything and I know for fact that this year has been a rolling coaster for you. Becoming homeschooled, dad working more hours, Shawn, and especially what happened..."

"Mom, I'm fine okay? I know how tl deal with everything. Everything is under control okay?" I stopped her.

"You should take a break." She bluntly said.

"Don't have time for that Mum." I said and took a sip from my water.

"When will Shawn come back from tour?" She asked me while she was looking for something through the mess she made in the kitchen.

"I...I don't know." I replied and kept my eyes down on the floor.

"Why don't you go and visit him?" My eyes finally met her and a shocked expression painted my face.

"He's on tour mom." I signed. "Not on vocation."

"Have you seen his last tweets?"

"No?" Why did she see his tweets?

"He's devasted Malia after what happened in Manchester arena. He was there a month ago and he seemed really upset."

"Oh... but...Mom... I don't know... we haven't talked for days. He's probably busy, I don't want to add more weight on his shoulders."

"And you are an extra weight? Oh please honey, he wouldn't have asked you to go on tour with him if he didn't want you to be with him. And also we both know well that you need a change immediately. I know it's hard for you to..."

"I have one more exam." I cut her.

"You can always change the date." She smiled at me.

"See... that's what freaks me out. I don't want to completely change my lifestyle."

"You'll have to. You can't have the same schedule forever."

"Mom..."

"I know that changes seem scary but it's not. Life goes by way too fast and we have to follow along."

I stared at the floor again.

"Go. I'll be fine." She said when I didn't reply.

"I know you will but... when will dad come back home?" Desperetely trying to change the subject.

"He's still there. He can't leave her."

"I know. I wanted to see her too."

"You can't baby." I felt my eyes getting watery.

"I'll go to my room." I mumbled before leaving the kitchen and entering my messy room.

I lied in bed and stared at the ceiling.
My phone vibrated and I picked it up.
He texted me.

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Hi guysssss!
New chapter is up!

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