Moonstruck Lullaby

Farewell Cries

Before I wanted so badly to be out of school...now, I'd never desired so much to stay.
The mere idea of losing you guys is too painful...the alone thought that I won't see you all every single day is horrid..and the worst is that I can't change that from happening...
Today was our school farewell...the juniors make an activity for us...where we go up the stage of our gym and they give us a farewell speech...then we give them one...and two songs are chosen...those two songs are deadly...because they make you cry...and of course...everything turns real the moment the song starts...
The feeling of nostalgia is present from beginning to end...and nothing can stop that.
Our songs were, "Wherever I go" and "" ....and yes, we cried...I cried....a lot...
And then hugs start... And we all say goodbye even though one more week of partial tests is coming...but who cares, this farewell won't happen again, and we are preparing for the real goodbye day...

I hugged everyone...every single member of my group...and everyone was crying so they made me cry even harder...but the worst part was my hug with Softie (my nickname for him-my ex best friend)...
He was near us, near me, and I never wanted so badly to hug someone in my life...so I looked at him and when he did too, before my tears got worse I went to him and hugged him...and he hugged me back. This is when my sobs got worse...I hugged him tight and he did too... and godammit I didn't want to let go...but he pulled away too fast...too sudden...and i stayed clinched to him for two more seconds...until I knew I had to let go...and goddamn it hurt to do so...
I don't know if he wanted to hug me...but it felt as 50/50...50% he didn't want to and 50% he did...or maybe less...
All I know is that this truly felt like closure even though I still can't accept it...and I know that things will change when we graduate...
My worst fear is him not talking to me anymore...and as sad as this may sound, I think he won't.