Moonstruck Lullaby

Awful Person. ?

Maybe I don't want to.
Maybe I just don't want to go out.
It's odd.
Or maybe it's always been this way, but now more than ever.
I just...Idk it's like I don't feel as close to my friends as I was before.
Common sense would say, yea cuz I'm not in school anymore and I don't see them daily and blah blah
But it's somehow different.
It's like now it's real and I just..I don't know if I like me..when I'm with them...or maybe it's that I don't like being with them...
But that's stupid.
They're my friends and I care for them all.
They've been as they always have.
Maybe that's what I find odd now.
They seem the same, as if nothing has changed.
But things have changed, right?
I've been turning down going outs with them since school...
Truth is, sometimes I just didn't want to go out with them..with no one
And that is scary.
Cuz, if I don't even go out with my friends, then how will I go out with other people?
I feel weird, but that's normal being me.
I feel out of place, but I've felt that even since school.
I never acted on it though, but hell nah I ain't losing more friends. That sucks.
I remember that by mid senior year I started feeling eerie and uncomfortable for some reason.
I started reading more and more and more cuz I preferred books than laughing at my friend's jokes and stories in lunch.
There were lots of times where I broke off from the group table and went to sit to these cute seat with plants in the middle.
It's fucked up.
Why would I prefer a fiction that actually enjoying time with my friends?
...Each day that passes seems to get me farther away from them, and I'm doing nothing to stop it, and maybe it's because I don't want to stop. But it doesn't hurt me like it should. Does that make me an awful person?..
Maybe that's why I loved asking them questions even though I stopped a while ago...I wanted to know them more..to not feel like I didn't...but now, I don't even want to ask...and I fucking love asking questions.
And it's not that I don't care, cuz I would surely kill for these guys, but damn, some days I don't want to even answer texts or read messages in my girl's group or go out with them.
I'm pretty sure that makes me an awful person.