Not So Normal

Chapter 50

~Niall's POV~

   I haven't talked to Elissa for the last two days, and I'm really worried about her. She hasn't been picking up when I call or answering my texts. She never leaves her phone anywhere or turns it off, so I've been going crazy trying to figure out what's wrong. Lindsey doesn't even know what happened, and Tyler isn't responding to me either, which is not something Tyler would do. What if something happened to her? And I know she's been kind of depressed lately because of the miscarriage, so that makes me worry even more. The guys keep trying to cheer me up, but I can't be cheerful when I have no idea what going on with the love of my life.

   Tonight we're playing in Greece, but I'm really just not in the mood to perform. It was like this yesterday, too, but it's worse now. I'll still perform, but I know I won't be at my best. Fans, the guys, and management will all be disappointed, but I can't help it. I try to let the guys cheer me up, but it just doesn't work. At all.

   It's about an hour before the show begins, and I'm just sitting on the couch in the dressing room, listening to Elissa's album and ignoring everyone else. Since I haven't been able to listen to Elissa talk, I've been listening to her album on repeat for the last two days. It's the closest thing I have to her.

   I finally take my headphones off when there's five minutes until we go onstage, and I change from sweats and a hoodie to black skinny jeans and an Ireland tank top. Someone hands me my mic and earpiece and then I go find the guys for our pre-show stuff.

   After the show I retreat back to my corner in the dressing room and put my headphones back on. I start Elissa's album from where I left off before the show and listen to her beautiful voice. After a couple songs I'm startled when my phone starts ringing. It's an unknown number, so I'm apprehensive about answering, but I do anyway.

   "Hello?" I answer, trying to sound annoyed and tired. I hear the person on the other end of the line suck in a small breath.

   "Niall?" a small voice asks. I gasp. The guys, who are messing around across the room, stop and look at me.

   "Elissa? Where are you? Why haven't you been answering my calls or texts? I've been so worried about you! What happened? Are you okay?" I only stop asking questions when I hear Elissa start crying. Oh no.

   "I'm so sorry Niall," she whimpers between sobs.

   "Elissa, what's wrong?" I ask, softer this time. The guys have all come and sat down, surrounding me, so they can find out what's going on. They've been really worried about me.

   "I'm at rehab. After I lost the baby I just couldn't handle the pain. I started cutting again and I got really drunk a couple nights ago and I almost died and someone saw my scars and took me to rehab after I got my stomach pumped and I'm just so, so sorry that I couldn't tell you before, but they took my phone away and I can only talk to you for a couple more minutes before I have to go," she says sadly.

   "Rehab?" I say, shocked. Who would put her in rehab? "How long do you have to be there?"

   "I don't know. I guess I can leave as soon as they think I'm healed. I'll try my best to have that be as soon as possible, but I don't know if I'll have any say in it," she says, sounding miserable.

   "Are they going to let you call me every day?" I ask. I can't stand the thought of going so long without talking to her again.

   "I have no idea. They're breaking a rule already, letting me call you on my second full day. They usually don't let people make calls unless they've been here a month. I had to beg for them to let me call you this once. I'll go crazy if I don't get to talk to you, though," she says. I can tell she's crying again, and I wish so badly that I could wrap my arms around her and hold her against me.

   "Everything is going be okay. Try your best to call, but I'll know what's going on now if I don't hear from you. I was so worried about you; you have no idea how awful it's been not knowing what's going on. I miss you so much."

   "I'll try as hard as I can, I promise," she pauses. "Niall, I have to go now. I love you so much."

   "I love you, Elissa," I whisper. The line goes dead and I put my phone down on the couch next to me. The guys all look at me expectantly. I sigh and then tell them what happened. None of them knew about Elissa's self-harming before now, so it's quite a shock to them. They all smother me with hugs and tell me everything will be okay. I sure hope they're right.

   We get onto the tour buses and head for the airport in Italy. We're flying to the States in the morning for a couple months of shows in North America. I wish we had a break between now and the end of September after the last North America show, but we don't. It sucks. If we had a break I would go visit Elissa, but that's not going to happen. I hope she's out of rehab by the time I'm on break. We were going to spend that whole three weeks together.

   I just can't believe she's in rehab. That's extreme. She must have cut a lot more if they were that worried about. She only had like 30 something scars last time I saw her bare legs. And I can't believe that she went out and got drunk! She never drinks! It had to have been bad for her to drink because the only other time I know of that she's even had a little bit of alcohol was when her sister died. That's when she 'cheated' on me with Harry.

   I wish she had just talked to me about it, though. We talked every night for a week after the miscarriage, but she never seemed quite as sad as she apparently was. I never thought she would go back to cutting. She told me she wouldn't but if she was sad enough that she did, I feel absolutely awful for not being there for her. I should have been there. I knew I should never have gone on tour. I love this job, but it just ruins any chance at having normal, working relationships. I know that Elissa understood from the beginning that it would be hard, but I feel like this is all my fault. If I hadn't gotten her pregnant this wouldn't have happened.

   I really hope the rehab place lets her call me. I know she gets really sad when we don't talk for more than a day, so maybe if her counselors see that they'll let her call. I wonder if they let her talk to Tyler or Lindsey. I'm sure they've offered to let her talk to her parents, but I know she's not that close to her parents. I've tried to get her to go visit her parents more or at least talk to them more, but she's not super willing to do it. I'll keep trying, though.

   I just miss her. I miss her beautiful brown eyes and her dazzling smile. I miss the way she smiles at the smallest things, and how she laughs at the silliest things. I miss the feeling of her cuddling up against me when we go to sleep. I just miss her.

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Sorry, I know this one's a little short, too, but I wanted to hurry and get another chapter up. There's not going to be another Niall's POV for a while, but what happens with Elissa is going to be interesting! ;)

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