Not So Normal

Chapter 13 ~ Secrets

   Niall runs into my room and looks relieved when he sees me. He probably thought I was getting murdered or something. His expression goes from relieved to worried when he processes the fact that I look terrified and I'm hyperventilating.

   "What happened?" he asks, taking a couple steps into my room. Even in the dark room I can tell he's really concerned.

   "Nothing. It's nothing. Just go back to bed."

   "Elissa, I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened." I sigh and pat the bed next to me, inviting him to sit by me.

   "It all started around the time when I graduated and moved in here with Lindsey. I don't know what triggered it, though." I really do, I just don't want to tell Niall. "I started having this nightmare. It'll come for about a week at a time and then it will go away for random periods of time. I've never been able to fall back asleep after it. I haven't had it for like two months and I had hoped that it was gone."

   "What's it about?" The inevitable question. Should I tell Niall? I mean, I guess it doesn't really have to mean that I actually have those issues, but it's definitely implied. If I tell him he'll find out... His eyes are pleading. "Please tell me."

   I tell him. I tell Niall every little detail of the nightmare that's been haunting me for two years. I tell him about every laugh, every mocking stare, every bit of pain, and every action. When I'm done explaining it, I look over at Niall and he looks stunned. He's silent for a minute. Great. I probably scared him away.

   "Elissa, do you still cut?" Niall asks softly. Do I?

   "I haven't since I found out I was meeting you," I confess. Niall takes my wrists and looks at them, a confused expression taking over his concerned one when he doesn't find scars there.

   "Where are the scars?"

   "I knew I couldn't hide my wrists as easily," I whisper, pulling the legs of my spandex up. My upper thighs are covered in scars. Niall's eyes go wide in either surprise or horror. Or both. I can't tell. He gently traces some of the scars, but stops on one particularly deep and long scar.

   "When was this?"

   "It was from October a couple years ago. It was after I dropped out of college. I had so much going for me and I was having so much fun, but I wanted to tour with the Piano Guys so badly. Being on the tour was amazing at first, but Lindsey and I were practically all alone. Almost all the rest of the crew and assistants and stuff were guys that were way older than us. We were stuck with each other everywhere. After spending so much time together, we started to get annoyed by each other a little bit. One day she started this huge, pointless fight, and since I wasn't really close to anyone else I couldn't talk to anyone about it. This was how I let my pain out."

   "Lindsey knows about the scars, doesn't she?" Niall asks. I nod. "Does she know she caused one? Have you ever told her about it?"

   "I can't. If she knew I cut myself because of her she would freak out. She hasn't even seen the scars since before that one. Please don't say anything to her," I plead, wanting this to stay between just us.

   "I promise I won't say anything." He pauses. "Will you tell me about the other scars?"

   I tell Niall all the stories behind the scars. The first time I cut myself back when I was thirteen because I started getting bullied. Scar. When the guy I liked publicly rejected me. Scar. When I found out my boyfriend liked my best friend for a month before we broke up. Scar. When I found out I was moving away from my amazing life. Scar. When I actually moved. Scar. When I got bullied for loving One Direction. Scar, scar, scar, scar. When I got told by a guy I didn't even know that I would never be loved. Scar. When my boyfriend cheated on me with two skanks. Scar. I remember everything.