I lost, but i fought 2 || J.B

Chapter 1

First month of my pregnancy, 2 weeks since i've talked to anyone, not even pattie, sandi or anyone. Only a few people knows I'm pregnant. I'm Pregnant, Justin's kid, inside of me. Justin, haven't talked to him in two weeks, he's called and texted me, but it ended with me turning my phone off,

I've gone back to the bad habit of not eating. I'm very skinny again, no baby bump, yet. I spend the nights crying, crying over the loss of something I let go, something that is my fault, but then again it isn't my fault, it's Scooter's, he forced me, he used my guilt, my dream against me. It's his fault, him, not me.

I've been telling myself so many times that i need to get my shit together, but it's hard. Caitlin doesn't know yet, she doesn't understand my problem, she's mad at me for not talkning to her, but I'm not talking to anyone, there is only me in this big messy bedroom.

"Hannah?" Christian asks knocking on the door. I don't answer. "Think about the baby Hannah" he says. Tears well in my eyes. The baby, i haven't eaten much lately. "I'm the only one home, let's eat a little" I get out of bed and open the door, seeing Christian for the first time in two weeks, since i told him. He's changed, his hair is different and he looks stronger, older.

"Let me shower first?" I ask him. He smiles a small smile and looks at me with adoration evident on his face, he nods, and I turn to walk over to my bathroom.

Once i've had a shower, i get dressed in a big black over sized shirt, and a pair if galaxy tights. I look at myself in the mirror, my face is pale, my collarbones is too visible again. I sigh to myself. I look down at my stomach, lifting my shirt and putting a hand on it.

"Sorry little one, i haven't been treating you so good, i haven't been treating anyone so good" I speak to the growing fetus inside of me. "Mommy is going to get better, she just needs some help" i walk out of the bathroom talking to it. "I'm sorry, i promise I'm going to get better" i say again as i stand next to Christian, he smiles down at me, he's gotten taller too.

"Talking to it?" He asks.

"Yeah" I give him a small smile. "I'm sorry" I say to him as we enter the kitchen.

"Why?" He asks taking out the chair for me.

"Thank you" i whisper as i sit down. "Well i've ignored you, i've ignored everyone" i've ignored Justin too. Maybe i should turn on my phone again, and just read what he has been saying. Or maybe that is a very bad idea.

"I understand though" he smiles finding a pack of mac-and-cheese. "This okay?" He asks i nod.

"Thank you" i say as he starts preparing worlds easiest meal to make. He doesn't reply he just looks at me and smiles. My stomach twists and it's not in a good way. I jump of the chair and jolt to the nearest bathroom. Puking all the content of my stomach out in the toilet. When i finish i groan and wipe my mouth before i brush my teeth with, well, someones toothbrush. I walk back to the kitchen and find Christian still standing there making food. He looks up at me confused. "Morning sickness" I explain to him.

"Had it a lot?" He asks concerned.

"No it started yesterday" I explain, i look at the clock that hangs on the wall in the kitchen, 10:35 pm.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I nod, because i am, but i'm very hungry.

"Hungry" I murmur, sitting back down on the chair.

"Good, because I'm planning on feeding you a lot of food" Christian says sitting down next to me. "Will you be mad if i ask you some questions?" He asks seriously. I shake my head, i guess he is courious, i would be.

"No, ask away" i say. It feels good talking to someone again.

"How does it feel?" He asks.

"Physically of mentally?" I ask because that's too different feelings.

"Both" he states.

"Physically it feels weird, knowing someone is inside there, but it's exiting. Also it's weird that i just throw up, but don't feel sick. It's weird" i start. "Mentally i feel like i've gotten such i big responsibility, i feel drained of emotions, but i don't know if it's the pregnancy or the break up" i shrug. "I feel weak, i feel like I'm not capable enough for this, i feel like I'm going to fall apart" i sigh as i continue. I'm bad at explaining feelings, I'm bad at explain anything.

"I see" he nods, deep in thought. "So you and Justin, eh, had-" he pauses embarrassed. "Sex" he whisper as if it's a bad word and there is kids around. I giggle a little at his cuteness.

"Well yeah" i say because isn't that pretty obvious.

"But i don't understand" he almost whines.

"What sex?" I ask before quickly continuing. "It's not that complicated, man puts pënis inside woman's vaginä" i start laughing, he looks at me with a face. "Okay sorry, what do you not understand?" I ask.

"Like you can't stand when people touch you, but sex, that's a lot of touching" he says confused.

"Yeah, but it was Justin, it's hard to explain" i smile, but my smile fades when i think if Justin.

"Why did you break up with him Hannah?" He asks, and i freeze. "It wasn't because you wanted too, and he doesn't know you're pregnant" he says sternly.

Can i tell him? I should.

I tell him all about how scooter forced me by using Justin's career and my career against me. I ended up crying in his arms whining about how much i miss him, about how much i want him to know, to be here with me, with the kid.

I miss him.

•••

No this story isn't about the kids, it's about Hannah.