I lost, but i fought 2 || J.B

Chapter 4

Month 4, the month where i leave for Norway for a while, escaping life in Canada, escaping all the things that remind me of Justin. I opened the texts, and they made me happier for a second. I started using the same twitter again, so my friends know I'm alive, i talked to them, on the phone, they cried, i would've too, but i didn't this time, i just smiled.

Tanya she was calm i could hear her sniffle, but she refused to admit it she just told me she was a little sick. I laughed at that comment, and she laughed with me because we both knew it was a lie. And her being the responsible one, she told me about the funeral, where, what and how. It was nice to know they were buried and fine at home.

Katherine sofie as the drama queen she is she cried her heart out, sobbing and telling me how much she missed me, she was a little angry at how i had been alive all this time, but didn't tell her. I kinda just shrugged that off, because i had no reason to why i didn't tell them before.

Mia she was so quiet, we barley talked, we just sat there listening to each other, her sniffling or sobs. For maybe half an hour we just sat there, both of us, just listening, she needed me to tell her at least 5 times that it was really me, and every time i said yes she would sob a little extra.

I didn't tell them i was coming, i just told them i lived in Canada now, that i was adopted, that i was pregnant, about Justin, but without using the name Justin just referring to him as my boyfriend, i told them that we broke up. I didn't tell them about the cutting or the depression. I said i was fine.

"Be careful" Christian demands hugging me tight, my slightly bigger baby bump hugging his stomach. He gets down on his knees, his hands on my stomach. "And you two, be nice to Mommy" he tells them strictly, but he's still smiling.

"Last call to Flight LH754 to Stavanger, Norway" a voice says.

"That's me" i say, picking up my hand luggage and waving to all the people that came to say goodbye, it was Pattie and the family minus Caitlin. "Bye, see you" i say turning and boarding the plane.

After an hour of sleeping on the plane i wake up, not really tired. Just 25 hours left. I whine to myself, at least i had enough money to buy business class so I'm more comfortable. I start thinking, thinking about the texts, about the kids, but mostly the texts. He was so sad and i could tell just by reading them that he had been crying a lot.

Hannah, dear sweet Hannah, why? Why did what we had have to end? Was it me? Was i not good enough? I just don't know what i did wrong...

That was the first text. He obviously blames himself, when in reality it's either my fault or scooter's.

I know you are not going to answer, but i love you, and i knew that at some point you loved me too, because if you didn't you wouldn't have had sex with me, which by the way was the best night of my life, but I'm still wondering why...

The second one, i still love him, i never stopped. It was the best night of my life too.

I love you, i could shout it to my world, but i can't when i don't have my world next to me. I talked to mom, she said you were doing horrible, maybe even worse than me... Which has to be bad.

He sent this just a month ago. There was many other texts to, but they were small and mostly consisted of the same. I feel a tear fall down, i quickly wipe it away, so the old lady next to me won't notice.

"What's wrong sweetie?" she asks me so softly, so she noticed.

"Oh, nothing just exited to get home, i missed it so much" i lie.

"You from norway?" She asks small talking, i guess it's nice.

"Yeah, you?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"My grandpa lived there, I'm visiting his grave" she smiles a sad smile.

"Yeah my family is dead too, visiting their grave for the first time, and they died 3 years ago" i say, and i realize how long it's been.

"Oh" she starts. "You live in Canada now?" She asks seeming interseted.

"Yes, i was adopted" i smile.

"That's good" she nods. "But do you want to share why you're crying?" She asks reading me like a wide open book. I chuckle.

"I broke up with my boyfriend, and I'm pregnant" i say.

"Why break up?" She asks me.

"Because I'm pregnant, his maneger forced me" i say fanning myself, it's getting really hot inside this big sweater. I take it off, the old woman stares at my bump.

"Wow, how far are you?" She asks amazed.

"4 months, I'm having twins" i say, from my purse i fish up the last copy of the pictures. "Take a look" i say handing her the picture, she takes it and look at it. A tear falls down her cheek and with a shaky hand she wipes it away. "Are you okay?" I ask as she hands me back the picture.

"I never had kids, i couldn't have kids" she sighs.

"Sorry" i say feeling guilty. She just smiles to me. i feel so bad, she could never have any kids, and by the looks of it she really wanted some while me, here i am having two kids i don't even want.