I lost, but i fought 2 || J.B

Chapter 11

"push!" a nurse tells me. I scream in pain as I push with all my force. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 good" she says and I take a moment to breath. "just one more push and the first one will be out" she encourages me, but it's really not that encouraging, just one more to go, yay. "push!" she tells me, I push all I can, just wanting this kid to get out of me. "it's out" she cheers and I feel a pang of relieve wash over me, put it's soon gone when another contraction arrives. i hear my baby cry. "it's a boy" she says handing her to a woman, that I suppose is going to clean her.

As you might have figured out by now, I'm in the middle of giving birth. 4th of May 2012.

"let's get this second one out too, eh?" she asks, I nod gripping the railing of the bed, my forehead is covered in sweat. "push" she instructs, I grip the railing hard, scrunching my face together, using all my force. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and breath" she tells me and I relax for a second to breath, loosening my grip on the railing. it lasts only a few second before I have too push again. "push" she says repeating the same process.

The process was repeated a few times before my baby girl was born too. crying, just like the boy. I can finally breath. people around me are congratulating me, Pattie is crying, this is actually the first time I have seen her since I left for Norway, which is quite a long while ago. I'm too busy trying to catch my breath to even hear what anyone around me are saying.

"I want to hold them" I say after minute of breathing. A nurse hands me my babies, one in each hand. first I look at the girl, my girl, she looks like me, but she has Justin's face shape, pointy and a evident jawline. her eyes slowly open and she looks at me, straight in my eyes, she has my eyes too, green. she's beautiful, how could i ever hate this kid, I'm a terrible mom. I hug her closer too me.

I look over to the boy, my boy. He's a splitting image of Justin when he was a kid. His eyes is already open, hazel or brown just like Justin's, he's beautiful. Both of them are.

"Do you have any names for them?" a nurse ask, I nod my head.

"this little fella, this is Lucas Drew Steele" I say looking up at Pattie, more tears well up in her eyes. Lucas is of course from my brother, while Drew is from Justin as his middle name is drew too. "and this little princess is Ariel Steele" Ariel, it's what Justin asked me to name her, and I just had too. a tear fall down my cheek. "he looks just like Justin" I say to no one in particular.

"he does" Pattie agrees. "want us to take them? so you can rest" she asks, I nod. Pattie takes Lucas and Christian takes Ariel as he is on that side. He smiles down at her adoringly.

"take care of them" I say sleepily. i take in the scene, Pattie is sitting with Lucas, Sandi is siting next to her, both of them looking at Lucas with adoration. Christian is sitting with Ariel, Will sitting next to him, they are talking, occasionally looking down at the sleeping Ariel. I smile a small smile, this is all I need, family, but still I know that is a lie, there is one thing missing, Justin, he's suppose to be sitting next to me holding my hand. I fall asleep, tired, Happy and Sad at the same time.

"Hannah, Darling you need to wake up" Pattie wakes me by shaking me carefully. my eyes flutter open too see her hovering over me with a wide smile. "we're going home" she smiles. i sit up, wincing as i do. shit, it hurts. i rub my eyes and throw my legs over the edge of the bed. i stand up expecting it too hurt, but it doesn't i take a step, but that doesn't hurt either, so it's only sitting that hurts. i look around for my kids. my kids, i have kids now, i have two more lives to take care of.

as we drive home, our kids sit in my and Christian's lap as we don't have any carseats for the babies, wait, shit i don't have anything for the babies. my eyes widen as i realize this.