I lost, but i fought 2 || J.B

Chapter 3

it's month 3 when it's time for Ultrasound, I'm going to look at the little shit that is killing me emotionally. I still hate it, no feelings has changed for it.

I haven't cut in a month, but mainly only because Christian hasn't been off my back, just as he said. Currently me, Christian and Pattie is sitting in a small hospital room, pattie insisted on coming so that someone with experience could hear what the Doctor said in case we didn't understand it, bit in reality she's just exited to be a grandma.

"Hello Miss. Steele, ready for your first ultrasound?" An overly happy doctor says shaking my hand.

I shrug "i guess" i say, pattie squeals.

"Please lay down and raise your shirt" she says and do as I'm told. The lady looks at my stomach confused.

"Is there any problems doctor?" Pattie asks sensing her confusion.

"Are you sure you are just 3 month pregnant?" She asks, i nod because I'm 100% sure. "You are very big for just 3 months" she says. I have a baby bump now, but i can still hide it with a big sweater. She applies the green gel on my stomach before using a thing to smear it out. Not long after you can hear small heartbeats from the machine with the screen. "Oh, i get it now" the doctor says to herself.

"What?" Christian asks.

"Twins" the doctor smiles to me.

"Double trouble" i mutter to myself in disgust.

"Not double trouble, but twice blessed" pattie scolds in adoration staring at the screen as the doctor shows her where the two kids are laying.

"Wow" i hear Christian say in adoration too. I feel tears well in my eyes, i can't tale care of two kids, i can hardly take care of myself.

"No, take them away" i sob loosing myself. "I don't want them" i keep sobbing, i hear Pattie gasp. "I can't, they've ruined my life, everything i had is gone" i sob. I have no friends anymore, i ignore them too much, i have no idea how Zoe is doing, but most importantly i've lost Justin, the person i loved more than i have ever loved anyone.

"Hannah" pattie sighs. "Christian told me" i glare at Christian who just looks down, the doctor discreetly leaves the room, leaving us to talk.

"My life was finally good, it was better than good, it was perfect, it was perfect for so long, because of Justin, but now he is gone" i say lowly, my breathing heavy from sobbing.

"Hannah baby" pattie says sitting down on the bed next to me. "Many people get depression" she says rubbing my back. "Maybe you should see a psychologist" she suggests, i shake my head, I'm not going to talk to no stranger.

"I want to go to Norway" i say after a minute of silence. "I want to see mama and papa" i keep telling them. "And i want to go alone" Christian wakes up at this comment.

"No way" he refuses me.

"But i need to start taking care of myself if I'm going to have twins" i try to reason with him. He seems to agree with that as he doesn't say anything, neither does Pattie.

"Then it's final, leaving next month" i smile and wipe away the gel from my stomach with a white towel. I look over at the freezed photo of the babies. It's just black and white, i don't really get it. As i sit and stare at it, i hear the doctor talking all medicine with Pattie, but i don't pay attention.

"Would you like a photo?" She asks pointing to the screen. I nod.

"Can i have three please?" I ask, she nods. I whisper a small thank you, and she makes the copies.

After a minute she handed me three copies, i thank her one last time and leave the room with Christian and Pattie.

"I have something for you guys" i say stopping in front of the car, my car. They both turn to look at me. "Since i know how exited you are to be a grandma and you to be an uncle" i start, i take out two of the three photos. "Here, it's a photo" i say holding them out. They both thank me kinda shocked. I get in the car and start driving home, dropping off Pattie at her's.

With the first we enter the house Sandi is all over us with questions. We answer them all, we didn't tell her that it's twins, i think Will needs to be here too then.

"So there is some news though" Christian starts, we are all sitting around the dinner table. We all look up at him confused, he gives me a look and i understand what he means.

"Oh yeah" i start. "I'm not having a kid" i start, sandi gasps and so does will, Caitlin remains quiet. "I'm having two" i continue.

"Twins?!" Sandi exclaims happily. I nod.

"Wow" she and will says at the same time.

"And next month I'm going to Norway" i squeeze in, as they are so happy right now.

"What?" Will asks seriously.

"Yeah, I'm visiting someone" i say.

"Alone?" Sandi asks worried.

"Yeah, i've already ordered tickets" i shrug.

"Be careful, okay?" Will says.

"It's still a month till I'm leaving, but of course i will be careful" i smile.

After dinner I went to my room, with my phone in hand preparing to turn it on. I take a deep breath as i press the on button. watch as the screen turns white with the black apple in it.