I lost, but i fought 2 || J.B

Chapter 25

Fear is a side effect of love. Fear is a side effect of rape. Fear is a side effect of a bunch of things.

Fear appears a lot of times, The fear of loosing someone, The fear of falling, not only to the ground, but in love. Fear appears a lot of places.

The worst fear is when the past returns, not only in your mind, but when it's repeated. When your past is repeated you know what is happening at the moment, what is going to happen. you know how it felt that time, and you know how it will feel this time.

People say that after going through a lot of pain you get immune. i said i was immune, but we're not, I'm not. Pain is pain, it will never change.

Fear is also pain, the emotional pain you feel when you fear something is going to happen is almost as bad as any other pain.

Loosing yourself in pain and fear is easy, but again pain can't be ignored, it demands to be felt.

At least one time in our life we all break down, and we cry, scream or maybe even just sit there. but we all fall out of this world for a second, and where we find ourselves next is a place where all the good is bad and all the bad is good, and in that place, we have close to nothing good. In our world we have close to nothing bad, it's just that a human being has this very bad habit of focusing to much on those few things.

Focusing on those bad things is when fear appears, when emotional pain comes barging in. I have this habit, you have this habit, we all have this habit. We can't help it, we forget the small things in life, we forget the good things.

It helps to think about the good stuff when you are scared. and that's what i'm doing.

"my family is reunited and safe" i say to myself as i hug my knees.

"Ariel is home safe"

"Justin is home safe"

"Lucas is home safe"

I mutter all these things to myself trying not to cry, as the white walls surround me.

"Justin is mine again"

"I love him, and he loves me"

"He will take care of our children"

I hope that even though i'm scared, they will not be. They will also look at the good things. I hope they take care of themselves.

I stand up. My legs are sore, and my chest hurts. honestly, it all hurts. i walk over to the door. i turn the door knob, and it opens. what? this can't be right. i carefully open the door. it hasn't changed one bit in here. i walk over to the main door, it's locked. i can't get out there.

after checking all the doors and windows, i find out there is no way out. No one is here, the house seems untouched, but again there is no dust so someone must have been here. i rummage through the drawers in hope to find a key. nothing, all the drawers are empty. I walk up to the upper floor and i skip all the rooms i already checked, but there seem to be one i've passed, or didn't notice.

The white door is awfully a lot like the one to 'the white room of pain', compared to all the other doors in this house, which are dark brown. i don't know why, but this room feels more Private and secret than all the others. i feel like this is a door i shouldn't open, not because i'm scared of what hides on the other side, but because of the little pink sign on the door that says: 'Andrea'. it feels very personal to just walk in there, but i have too.

i carefully open the door, only to be met by what looks like a teenage girl's room. pictures on the wall, posters of celebrities, clothes on the floor and a desk that is filled with papers and pens. i walk over to it and look at all the papers, some of them look like letters, some of them looks like poems or even songs. i take one of the letters up.

Dear Nick,

I know you don't want to know this, but i don't know if i can get out like you did. Yes dad is crazy, but he needs me, doesn't he? after mom died and you left, he's gone more crazy, drinking more, smoking more. i'm worried about his health.

Love, Andrea, your beloved sister.

obviously this is a letter to her brother. Is this Andrea girl, The Irish devil's daughter, and Nick his son? and what happened to their mom? i put the letter down, before leaving the room realizing there is nothing special here i grab some pieces of blank paper and some pens. As i'm about to leave this room a picture catches my attention. I know this girl, her blonde hair and blue eyes. it can't be her. can it?

Before i can even think more about it a car is heard parking in the driveway, shit!

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