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"Casey, come on. We're going to be late if we don't leave soon."
I look up from my journal, meeting the gaze of my mother. She stood in my doorway, hands on her hips.
"I don't want to go," I tell her.
"Honey, you have to. The whole neighborhood is going to be there." she tells me, shifting her weight to one leg.
"Mom, I can't." I say, pausing. My hands were already shaking. "She's dead because of me."
"Don't say that," my mom says, her tone changing. "It's not your fault."
"But it is!" I say, raising my voice. I could feel the tears making their way into my eyes. "It was my idea to go camping, mom."
"Sweetie, you didn't know what was going to happen." my mom sighed. She walked into my room, taking a seat next to me on my bed. "Don't you dare blame this on yourself."
"Do I have to go?" I ask, changing the topic. I didn't want to argue with her anymore. I knew it was my fault, and nobody could tell me any different.
"She was your best-friend," my mom answers. "I thought you'd want to be there."
"I can't handle it," I say, choking back a sob. "I don't know how I'm supposed to face her family."
"They don't blame you, sweetie." she said, rubbing her hand along my back. "Nobody does."
"I do," I tell her, using my sleeves to wipe my eyes.
"I think you should go," she says, getting up. She walked out of my room, looking back at me. "But I can't make you."
I take a deep breath, closing my journal. I pull myself off my bed, where I've spent most of my time for the last two weeks. I close my bedroom door, taking a second to think.
My mom was right, I need to go. Sarah was my best-friend. What kind of person would I be if I didn't go to her funeral?
I open my closet doors, looking at my clothes. I only had a few dresses, and they were almost all too small. Eventually, I found a black one that would be okay to wear.
I looked myself over in my mirror, wanting to cry at what stared back at me. God, I looked awful. My eyes were red and puffy, and my hair was a frizzy, knotted mess. I tried my best to brush it out, and I didn't bother putting on any makeup. I would just end up crying it off anyways.
