Countless nights upon countless nights.
I lay awake contemplating my future.
I pace around my room questioning myself.
Asking myself why I'm here.
Contemplating everything.
I question my existence.
I question my gender.
I question my sexuality.
I contemplate my feelings
I contemplate the clothes I bare on my back.
I contemplate myself
I wonder what my life would be like if the certain people never walked into my life.
I wonder what would have happened if he never came into my life.
I wonder what would have happened if we were still together.
I question why I'm still here
I contemplate what my goal in life is.
I wonder what my life will turn out to be.
I question, contemplate, and wonder what the world would be like if he never died.
Would I even exist?
Would my life be completely different than what it is now?
Would I be a picture perfect white girl?
Would I be a ghetto boy?
Or would I be the same person I am today?
Just in a different family, time and place.
Thoughts like these keep me up at night.
Preventing me to sleep soundly.
Preventing me to feel safe to sleep in my own room.
Preventing me to be myself.
My best self I could possibly be.
Instead,
I'm a bitch.
I shut the world out.
Instead, I never leave my room,
I torture myself in the solitude of my home.
I never leave.
I stay in bed under the covers all night and all day.
I question why I think I can do the things I do and not suffer the consequences.
I contemplate why I think my sanity will stay in tact this summer unlike the last summer.
I wonder why I'm consciously repeating last summer.
YOU ARE READING
Lost
Random****WARNING**** This has really emotional problems going on in my life and reflects my personal thoughts. This might be triggering to some people. I promise. I will NOT kill myself. These are just personal thoughts that occur to me when I'm in my da...
