My Journey To Womanhood

feeling guilty

Chapter 3: Moving on.

I wake up still in tears , I clutched my legs tightly together trying not to think about what happened last night.

After taking a shower I dried off and curled my long dark brownish hair. I grabbed a over size sweat shirt some sweats and some running shoes that was under my bed.

I got into the living room and grabbed my bag , I see Jessica eating cereal and little Jimmy taking his bottle.

Jessica: Hey sis where mommy I didn't see her in the room this morning?  she still in the hospital?

Diamond: ask ya daddy where she at.

I wasn't gonna tell them shit .I stormed out the apartment. I have to take the stairs because some dumb ass broke the elevator. When I was finally done with the flight of stairs I was fucking tired to the point when I started to sweat shit.

I see James standing where he always does but this time hes staring dead in my eyes. I wanted to hold him I wanted to tell him I wasn't okay , and he would wrap his arms around me letting me know he got me but in reality this was never gonna happen. I had to walk pass him to get on my way to school.

He stares at me and my big ass, I might not be rich but I did have the shape , I was one of the thickest girls in school other than my bestie Ashley who was thick as shit too .with the curves and the big bubble butt that the boys couldn't stop staring at as I walked into class my first day of school, the same day I met James. I could still feel his eyes on me as I try to walk faster with my head held straight. I then felt arms around me , I turn in shock to see James holding me by my waist. I pulled away from him as he tries to kiss me.

Diamond: Get away from me!

James: Why you tryna make a scene baby

Diamond: baby? i'm far from that so get out my face.

I try to walk off and he pulls me towards him and kissed me. I didn't want to kiss back to be honest , James was a hoe and that would never change , I break the kiss and just stood there looking at him.

James: Dont act like you didnt want me to do that , stop trying to act all hard man damn.

Diamond: your side hoe is calling you

I walked off trying not to hear shit that James was saying. he was a good fucking lier and I guess thats why I always get played by him. Ashley comes up to me and so did tina and kat My other two friends from diaper days , they knew something was wrong and pulled me to the side , all eyes on me. I didn't wanna hear a lecture , I didn't want them to know that I was feeling worthless and alone.

Tina and Kat wave goodbye and Ashley stood there looking at me .I try not to look back knowing she was gonna ask the words I didn't want to hear at all today .

Ashley: What's wrong? Who I gotta fuck up?

I laugh and she did as well.

Diamond: Nothing's wrong Ash i swear .

Ashley: So we lying to bestfriends now ? I know when sumn wrong with you and sumn is up so tell me who ass my shoe should be up in .

Diamond: Can we talk when I go over your house later , I don't wanna talk about this shit right here man ......

I trail off and she could tell it was serious because she nodded her head and hugged me. I hug back trying not to cry , trying to be strong and brave just like my mother .