Lost in the Land of Wonders (Completed)

14

Cassie Martin's POV.

I woke up this morning without a reason to get out of bed. No child to look out for. No ray of sunshine or happiness. No one to love.

My poor Sadie is dead.

And it's all my fault.

There's nothing to do with my life but end it. And I don't want to wait for another fifty years for that to happen.

No.

There's no point in living anymore.

The only thing keeping me alive now is a little speck of hope. Hope that my daughter will come back.

But I know in my heart she wont.

I know she's dead, and she can't come home to me.

I walk into the kitchen. I see a chopping block full of knives. I pick one up.

I dragged it across my wrist.

I winced in pain, and I saw a stream of blood fall off my wrist and onto the tile floor.

I did it again. It was addicting.

I couldn't stop.

I was in a hole of darkness and I couldn't get out.

But my phone rang. I put the knife down, my blood dripping off of it, spilling onto the counter.

It was my mother. She  told me she was going to come over to see how I was doing. I couldn't let her see what I'm doing. I can't let her know that I am going to cut myself until I bleed to death.

No. She's stop me. She's make sure I was in a hospital for sure.

I texted her back and told her that I would be ready for her by the time she gets here. That would give me thirty minutes to clean up my blood, change into a hoodie, and wipe the tears off my face.

Come to think of it, I didn't even know I was crying. All I could think about was how I found a new way to help my pain.

A  half hour later my mom walks into the house. I gave her a key before Sadie died. I gave it to her because the two of them were very close, and I wanted to make sure she was able to come over whenever Sadie wanted.

Oh, how I miss Sadie.

My mother's gray, stringy hair was up in a bun, and her glasses hung loosely on her face. The lenses of her glasses are thin, as they're just reading glasses. She's wearing a giant jacket, and her slippers are still on her feet. She must have forgotten to take them off, as always. She was carrying a present, the wrapping paper white, with unicorns and flowers decorating the thin paper.

I  hugged her, and her thin little spaghetti arms wrapped around me. When we were done hugging, I sat down on my darn brown, fuzzy couch, and patted the seat next to me. She slowly but steadily took a seat next to me.

"How are you holding up?" She asked me. Her voice dry but sweet.

"I'm doing fine, mom." I smiled a fake smile. I pulled on the sleeves of my black, thick hoodie. I wanted to make sure the cuts weren't showing. I looked down on my sleeves to check if the blood was sinking through the fabric. I smiled to myself in relief.

"Good. Here, I wanted you to have this." She handed me the present, and I looked up at her. Her hazel eyes were staring at me, her wrinkles stretching as her thin, dry lips curled.

I pulled off the wrapping paper to reveal a couple books, and a box of cookies.

Typical. I thought to myself. But I smiled at her, and I put the cookies and the book on the kitchen counter that I had just recently wiped blood off of.

"Thanks, mom." I said, sitting down next to her on the couch again.

"No problem, sweetie. I wanted to talk to you about something..." She looked at me worriedly, and she hesitated as more words slipped out of her mouth.

Hurtful, painful words. Ones I wasn't ready to hear.

"Honey," She said slowly. "If you aren't ready to clear Sadie's room, your brother David can do it."

I stood up, tears rising. I held my hand out aggressively. I could feel the hatred in my eyes.

"Give me your key!" I yelled. Her face looked shocked and afraid.

"Sweetheart-"

"NOW!!" I shouted. I didn't want to see her face anymore. I didn't want to see anyone's face. I just wanted to die, that's all I wanted. "I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE AGAIN! GIVE ME YOUR KEY AND LEAVE!"

She quickly dug in her purse and gave me her key to my house. She ran out the house shut the door.

I could hear her car drive out of the parking lot of the house as I walked back into the kitchen. I pulled off my hoodie and looked at my wrists. They were still bleeding, but I just smiled.

I'd be dead in no time. I just had to wait.