Jay Park One Shots

9:39PM

"Describe the girl you love," she asked him.

"Beautiful. The way her cheeks turn crimson red when she's embarrassed. The way her pupils darken raven black when she smiles. She's the silencer of my vices. I am all myself when I'm around her. It's so easy to talk to her. Whenever we're alone, it feels like we never want time to tick. We talked to our heart's content. I hear her talk about what runs through her mind before she sleeps but I can't do the same because she runs through my mind before I fall asleep and it might chase her away if I told her the truth. The freckles on her cheek would be more vivid when she's just staring into nothing. She's nowhere near perfect but I would say she's perfect for me," he described with light in his eyes and his heart in his hand.

If you can see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see

You belong with me.

"What about you? Describe the guy you love," he asked back.

"Enigmatic. I want to learn more and more about him. He thinks of himself as odd but to me he's wonderful, unique and different. He has this aura of taking people in but he thinks otherwise. I can't look at him straight in the eye without urging to smile because my feelings are genuine for him. He told me he doesn't believe in love but he's filled with it. I want to be able to tell him my midnight and mid-afternoon thoughts. I hope it doesn't scare him. I hope he knows that I'm not coding like I'm in a game. I can't describe him. The description of him would take forever because the list is too long. If I were to sum it all up in one word, he's love. And he's all I ever want years ago and will want years from now."

I'm the one who makes you laugh

When you know you're about to cry

And I know your favorite songs

And you tell me about your dreams I think I know where you belong

I think I know it's with me.

.

.

.

I remember how badly my fingers and lips trembled when I saw you with her. I don't know what got into me. It was a sudden surge of anger that acted up and I just ran up to the both of you and wanted to get physical. I guess this is how painful a break up is because I forgot how it felt like. It was painful to see you with someone else.

Painful.. to know you spend money on other girls and your friends like they grow on trees but get very thrifty when it came to me. I feel safe to say now that I regret the whole year I spent with you. I am capable of turning into a tyrannical maniac once I get angry, I'll lose my mind. But when it comes to you, it's more of my weak side that wants to explode but in an aggressive manner.

I stopped remembering what it feels like to break up until I found the first entry that was strung by me on the first day we broke up. It went like this:

"I guess this is it... The end of the most beautiful story that I've ever had. A tragic love story about how you and I went through so much beautiful and painful things together, yet it still wasn't enough to keep you staying. I had a lot of hopes in you, thinking you'd be the guy to chase after the sunset with me, name the stars together with me... You were the one who slept at the stairs with me the night I got kicked out. You were there to wipe my eyes every time I cried. But you're not the same anymore. You're not someone I know anymore. But I still love you, not any lesser. I can't even cry..... It's too painful to cry."

I've been losing a lot of sleep lately and it was not even intentional. They say sleep is the best remedy for a broken heart, but what if the voices were perpetual? They kept me up late at night all the time and the only time I could soundly sleep is when I get to hear your voice, whether or not permitted. I didn't know that I was going to be this weak. I can't bear to tie anymore red strings around my skin, it was doltish of me to do so back in the past. Certain days it did urge me that I needed an alternative, to turn my emotional pain into a physical one.

I remember the first cigarette I lit up to forget the taste of your lips, it was to no avail, I still tasted every sweet moist you left for me. Oh how my fingers trembled when I tried to erase everything we had together. "I've let go." I don't mean that. How can I possibly let you go when I'm actually tied to you? To me, you're a sacred covenant that I can't let go, just like a secret.

If it was easy to move on, I would have been at it by now. Why is it so hard? Why is your voice still ringing in my head, so annoyingly yet alarming like how school bells charm me, indicating the end of a period, the end of our relationship?

I blast music just like how I normally do to shut the world out. The words filled my head completely yet I could only see and feel sorry for everything that had happened.

Am I really losing you? I felt all these before. That period of time I suffered in the dark, feeling like I was tied up to the walls when in reality, I was as free as a bird, still am. It's coming back again and I'm vowing to fight it like I did before. However, I'm weaker this time. It's not that easy. Even my own mother has been questioning my isolation. Am I really turning into a social pariah or do I only need you to fill this emptiness and loneliness that I'm living with? Your feelings are blatantly showing yet you're still trying to lie through gritted teeth.

Our song came up today and it made me drop everything I was doing just to enjoy the memories that hit me like a torrent of words would - it was unrelenting. I stopped blaming you for everything that happened. The only words that would pop out when I think about you is, "I'm sorry."

There's a hole in my soul and I need you to fill it. I wish I was ill bed-ridden instead of heartbroken. I wish one day it would be my job again to roll up the sleeves where you left your flaws in. I hope you miss me as much as I miss you, and myself. I hope things get better because God I've never felt this lonely before.

Never thought I would be able to string any words together to announce the end of my relationship nor get over the fact that it is officially over. I really wish this was as easy as falling for you.