waiting for the right moment

chapter one

Have you ever got your life wrecked at a young age? Well, I did. As a little girl I always believed that I could be something one day, that I may be loved by everyone, or one day people will think that I’m beautiful. I always wished to have a good body, but I never had. I learned through the years that your body is your home, love it and love yourself it’s only you that matters in the end.

   I was a ten years old girl when my life was disturbed by fears caused by the closest person I had between all of my cousins. I always blamed him for what he did to me, but at the end blaming him won’t get me well. Those fears grew bigger and bigger every day. My nights were sleepless. I could be sleeping and wake up in the middle of the night crying, afraid, and maybe calling mom when the electricity was off such a painful memory to be told. After sometime mom decided that it’s time for me to get some psychological help. Psychological help at the age of ten is so hurtful for a young child.  I was the only one among my friends that was suffering. I was afraid of them knowing, I was afraid of being judged and especially to be bullied.

   My first psychologist as I remember was called Ella. My fears started to lessen week after week. But I had to understand everything in life at a young age. I was introduced to depression and how it affects your life or may destroy your childhood. As a girl that went to a psychologist I was afraid of people’s talk and their call outs. Living in a society that considers a person that visits a therapist is a psycho as the common use of word.

   At the age of eleven, psychological help wasn’t enough for me so I had to reach for medicine as a helper. I was fully satisfied with it, and I started to forgive my cousin because at the end I can’t keep all the hate to a person that was a child, we all mess up sometimes. I continued going to a psychologist and changed them as I grew up. My next psychologist was a helper to find serenity and my talent.

I learned the ways of seeking relaxation. One of them was as I remember is to close my eyes and feel the material of cottons that are being given to me by my therapist. I can’t lie, that was fun to do. To let you know part of my life had me believing that I could sing when my voice was awfully squeaky, but boo-ho I didn’t stop. This time I was seeing light and starting to get comfortable with myself.

  Everything gone well for a year as I remember, I stopped taking medicine and overcame my fears. At age of fifteen, well I had my first break up, who was the only person I dated in my life. I thought the breakup would be so bad but it didn’t affect me. After a while I figured out that I had no feelings for him, he was just my best friend and someone I can rely on, a person that suffers the way I do.

   Everything changed in one year. I had my hair cut short and my personality changed. I discovered the true me and hugged my curves that I was tolerated about so long ago. I started loving myself and I had my career set as an artist. I loved how I got everything wrapped around my fingers. I have the talent of drawing and sketching so I worked hard for it. I won competitions and took courses of first class university fine arts student at a young age. I achieved more than I could have ever imagined.

  Fears played with me one more time and they came strong this time. My over thinking was over the board and couldn’t be tamed. Medicines were retaken and psychology help started. Sleepless nights and fears of a movie I’ve watched. I got help for a year from a psychologist and got onto medicines again. This time I didn’t keep it away, no one is capable of judging the choices I make.

  I got into a new school after I graduated. My first year was fun, so many pranks and laughing. Memories we made in our classroom and new friends. One person was close to my heart and made my 2016. She is called Zoe.

  Zoe is my classmate. At first, we both hated each other. We had previous judgments about each other before knowing the true us.

   We started talking after midyear and the cause of it was having the same tests on the same days. Too awkward; we started chatting over some problems that she had and I knew her better by then. We shared a lot of laughs and jokes, got out a lot of times, and did pranks.

   She had a crush on someone called Adrain that happens to have a girlfriend. We did a lot of pranks with these two before finals and got some laughs. We studied for finals and finished and then all the fun began.