waiting for the right moment

chapter eleven

28/12/2016

I woke up feeling pain that I haven't felt before. Why? I didn't want to feel that. Alexander told me to dress up and to shine like I should, I did that because I had to. It was the only way to change my mood. I didn't want Aiden to know how much I'm broken after what had happened yesterday because he considers it solved by now...

I came to the center and he was standing there, I couldn't look him up in the eyes because I knew that once our eyes are going to meet I'm going to burst in cries. He asked are you okay? What was I supposed to reply? The only thing I had to do is to lie, the lie that every girl says " I'm fine." He noticed I was lying because I didn't look at him I kept looking at the ground noticing simple things.

I escaped, got to the room and started to tear up... I stopped myself because I didn't want him to see the weak me again. We started studying and I was obliged to sit beside him. It gone well, I think... after that he tried talking to me but I brushed him off. It was torture... he re-asked me " why am I not okay?" I didn't respond because there is nothing to say. He said that we're just friends and I'm acting like that. Let him know that he lost me by lying. Yet, I'm still sitting in a room with nobody but my thoughts and me to write what I feel. I'll be writing more often because it makes me feel good. I continued my day normally until biology class with Alexander. I asked what did Aiden talk about to him and he told me that he said he moved on and he is living his life normally now, I was depressed and I couldn't handle my sadness, my tears so I cried. All my friends were there, the family I talked about... Malissa, Zoe, Clara, leah, Mabel, Brooke, and Zoya they all helped me regain my strength.

I came home and everything was okay. We started chatting on a group chat that all the one's in the center are in it. We played truth or dare. Aiden dared me that tomorrow I'm going to smile all day. When his friends joined us he stopped talking. I felt like I'm his way out of loneliness. He told us that he is watching a scary movie (my phobia). I got panic attacks and I thought he was using my weakness against me, and I was hurt. I told Malissa to make a group of three me, him, and her. I wanted to tell him that he can't use this against me.

She did so and I told him that we should solve our problems without anyone to interfere. The reply that I got back is that he doesn't know what problems I'm talking about...

I gained my strength to talk truthfully to him. I told him you have no right to talk about what I fear especially when you're the most one who knows how it affects me and how I react about it. He has been talking a lot to my girls about me, of course my friends told me but I wanted to hear It from him about what's going on. So he said that he moved on. (pause for a moment of hurt). He is living happy now. So I had to act in the same way... I moved on as well I said because life doesn't stop on anything or anyone . Though my life have stopped from the time I met him...I told him if being friends hurt him I can stop being friends with him and everything will go back to how it was... but there was no going back.