waiting for the right moment

chapter nine

26/12/2017

She was a black rose such a beauty in her sadness. Sadness that drowned her every day, but she’s strong she should be you know. A black rose with her deep emotions’ but hate wasn’t one of them and never will be because she’s so sensitive, so pure. Her soul was hidden all this time. And once she let some special person have a glimpse of it’ she felt special, as special and happy as she continued her life. She planned everything for her future until today her future feels so fogged and messed up. But there is hope… there is because she needs it she doesn’t want to be hopeless, yet she knows she is. Lately I’m feeling as if I’m not worth it. I’ve been questioning myself am I worth it? Am I beautiful? I don’t know the answer of both, I have been giving myself a lot of lectures to boost my self confidence. I’m beautiful right? I’m worth being fought for. Does the things I do worth it? Every action that you do has so many consequences it may feel good at once, at the same moment or a whole day. But why do we regret it if it make us happy. I’m a firm believer that this was meant to be, considering what I've lived and all the messed up things I've gone through, I've had enough my soul is starting to fade once again .I want to do what satisfies me but I can’t it’s forbidden.

Can’t we just be loved? Or even cared for? To have someone to talk to and to understand you. I want to take some care of you, I want to be the one that comforts you when you’re not feeling well. That smile of yours I want to be the cause of it. . It’s been a one and a half month, I was hurt at first but then I came to a conclusion that I shouldn’t be living this worrying or caring too much. I simply shouldn’t , I moved on a little bit I tried to hate you Aiden, I really did  but I couldn’t, I felt like I shouldn’t hate you after all because you didn’t harm me or oblige me into something.. It was my mistake not yours. I can’t say you didn’t help me in my life, you did teach me a lesson to think with your brain using your heart to have sympathy. My beloved one you were a blessing in a part of my life.
 
  “Our destiny is written, so let us live in peace.”

I admire this because it’s so true it gives me good vibes and positive thinking about everything. It always keep me going because I feel like after everything bad there is something good. I always think that life doesn’t stop here there is a new beginning to everything.

  We are friends now and I couldn’t be happier handling my own life the way I should. In addition, I learned from my mistakes ( that wasn’t really a mistake, love isn’t a crime). I cant deny that I wanted Aiden to care more even though we’re just friends but a feeling in me says I can live just with that and I should move on, I just hope it’s soon.