Without You

forty-two.

'How is my beautiful wife and favourite baby girl doing this morning.' Wilmer asks making his way into the bedroom where Demi is cradling Charlotte in her arms while wiping her tiny mouth with a muslin cloth.

'Momma would feel a lot better if she didn't have sick in her hair, wouldn't she?' Demi says smiling down at Charlotte.

'Oh dear... Do you want to go have a shower and I'll watch her?' He asks and she nods her head.

'Would you mind?' She says.

'Of course.' He replies smiling. She finishes wiping the newborn's mouth before passing her to Wilmer.

'I won't be long.' She says.

'Don't rush. Lottie and I will go downstairs and watch some tv, won't we?' He says causing her to smile.

'That's the first time you've ever called her Lottie.' She replies leaning her head against his shoulder.

'It is, isn't it? What made you decide to go with Charlotte? You seemed so against it at first.' He says and she shrugs her shoulders.

'You really liked it and I thought if I was getting Bluebell as her middle name then you should get Charlotte. Plus it means when she grows up she can choose whether she goes by Charlotte or Lottie.' She replies.

'Like you choose to go by Demi?' He asks and she nods her head.

'I want her to have that option.' She replies as he kisses the top of her head. 

'Go shower and then I'll make you something to eat.' He says smiling.

'I literally just fed her before she was sick so come get me if you think she's hungry.' She says before walking towards the en-suite. Closing the door behind her she sighs as she takes her clothes off and stares at her body in the mirror; this isn't the body she's used to. During pregnancy she could justify the changes because she was growing their daughter and that was okay but now? Now there's no baby to grow but she's left with a stomach which isn't toned, stretch marks scattered across her thighs and butt and overall a body which just doesn't feel like hers. She's seen all these other celebrities who have appeared to have 'snapped back' into their pre-pregnancy shape and looking at herself in the mirror, and the photographs from them leaving the hospital, she knows that she's just not one of those people.

_____

'When do you think I'll be able to work out again?' Demi asks as she sits down next to Wilmer.

'I don't know, why?' He asks.

'Just wondering when I'll be able to get back in the gym.' She replies.

'If this is because of those pictures I told you that you don't need to worry about that; you look perfect.' He says causing her to sigh.

'What's going on in that head of yours, Dems?' He asks turning to face her.

'I just- I don't feel like I'm in my own body. Before I got pregnant I had finally got my body to a place where I was happy and don't get me wrong I don't regret having her I just- I look in the mirror and I'm back to that place of hating what I see.' She admits knowing that Wilmer can see right through her when she's lying anyway.

'Your body isn't the same as it was before you got pregnant but that's okay. Our little girl grew in your stomach for 37 weeks, do you know how amazing I think that is? You're now using your body to feed and nourish our little girl and the fact that you can do that amazes me... You will get back to where you want to be but don't push yourself, nena. Enjoy our daughter before she's not this little anymore.' He says placing the little girl in her arms.

'D-Do you still love me even though I look like this?' She asks cradling Charlotte against her chest.

'Of course I do. I think your body is amazing and I hope you know that I love the person that you are not just your body.' He replies moving his arm so she can curl into his side.

'It's just been so long since I felt like this.' She says and he nods his head.

'I know but you'll get through this just like you've got through everything else. You're not on your own.' He replies.