Dear Brother.

Dear Loner. [15]

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." ~ Dag Hammarskjld

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I have no idea, if I was avoiding Harry or he was the one avoiding me, as much as i hated to admit it...I thought about that day more often than anything else. I can't believe a full month had already passed by and yet time seemed to be standing still for me ofcause. He went back to his late lectures I suppose and I - well continued with mine. He got what he wanted...

I hang out with Walter quite often in Harry's absence - what do I mean Harry's absence was he ever present in my life ? Angie and Zayn were constantly having their ups and downs almost everyday in their toxic relationship, honestly I couldn't keep up anymore. The semester was over and time for students to go home or crash at their friends places or better yet that time of the year where romantic guys take their girlfriends to meet their parents. How cheesy...

I always fail to understand, what's all the hype about being in a relationship especially with everyone on twitter or instagram always commenting relationship goals. I don't want any type of relationship, I'm selfish; I know and I don't really care. I'm glad life taught me a lesson when I was still in high school that way, now that I'm in college I'm more experienced.

I don't understand myself sometimes and i will never understand why I liked Harry so much that it broke me. Who are you kidding you loved him... No no no I don't know what love feels like but what I felt for Harry wasn't it at all maybe just some crazy obsession on my brother's best friend. Suddenly my door swung open revealing Zayn, how did he know i was here since Angie left for Califonia...I haven't opened the curtains.

"What do you want ?" I asked my voice a little groggy.

"So this is how you usually spend your summers ? How pathetic." Zayn said shutting my laptop off.

"Hey-"

"You are going home this summer, I'm sure mom and dad miss you." He cooed while I gave him a disapproving look.

"Like I said I will never go back there..." I said in a low voice.

"Come on..." He sat on the opposite bed.

"It's okay Zayn, I'm perfectly fine like this." I shrugged.

"No you are not so stop trying to convince yourself that you are." He snapped. "I want to go home with my sister just this once, it's been a while..."

Mentally gagging..."Morè like never." I muttered.

"You are a piece of work."

"Hahaha like I didn't know that...thanks anyway.." I pouted.

"You know..-" He paused. "You have really changed, i don't know if it's for the good or bad. You are so cold towards everything and Everyone."

"Wow Zayn I'm glad you noticed, you may leave now." I acted shocked but really i wasn't.

"Where is that sweet sweet Sister of mine...?" He chuckled lightly.

"Oh the one you and your friends used to step on like a door mat sorry to inform you but she died like two years ago." I said sarcastically.

"Well I miss her." He frowned but I'm not buying into it.

"Close the door behind you." I muttered grabbing my headphones.

"Look Zaneh, please go for mom's sake. I know no one else matters to you like mom. This would really make her happy." He said looking at me while I nervously played with my fingers.

"When was the last time you went home ?" He questioned. "Zayn for your own information last summer, i was in Califonia with Angie but this time I decided I needed some me time." I yelled for no reason, i had a feeling that he thought that every summer I spent it locked up in my dorm room.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn...?" Zayn huffed.

"Whatever." I sneered at him.

"You are going home even if I have to drag you there with your fake blonde hair." He threatened crossing his arms making his tattoos quite visible.

"My fake blonde hair...what a wow !" I said sarcastically running my fingers through my straight blonde hair.

"I don't get why you had to do that...you have always been pretty." He said in the most sincere voice. I couldn't believe he had just complimented me. Harry called you beautiful too.

"I just did because I wanted to." I rudely remarked.

"Right." He said shaking his head.

"Right." I deadpanned.

"Anyways our flight is in two hours so pack up, lil Sis." He smirked and I laughed.

"That was a good one...Zayn." I continued laughing.

"I'm dead serious." He paused. " I just came to let you know, like the good brother I am...I booked a flight for my baby Sister."

"I'm guessing you want a Grammy for that ?" I rolled my eyes.

"Harry was right you have changed."

"Well thanks for discussing me behind my back." I faked a smile.

"What did you do to him...?"

"Who ?" I asked still absent-minded.

"Harry who else.."

Well I fucked him no let him fuck me...I don't know but we fucked.

"Nothing, i mean I hardly talk to your friends." I shrugged.

"I will found out eventually, trust me." He said with a curious tone.

"Good luck with that...ey"

"I don't need luck."

"Well you are wasting your time..."

"If it involves my sister and my best friend then I'm definitely not wasting my time."

"I'm touched unfortunately I'm not so much into poetry." I curtly replied.

"You are some piece of work..Zaneh" He chuckled to himself as he headed out of my room.

Maybe going home won't be so bad.