Can You Feel My Heart [Fransykes]

Chapter 28

A/N: Okay, so this chapter can be, like, highly triggering so please be in a good mindset before you read it. I'll get into it at the end though.

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''Are you finally going to tell me what's happening?'' My mom asked me.

She's been asking what's wrong every hour since yesterday when I busted into the house begging her to take me to Sheffield.

Just like every other time she had asked me, she got nothing in return but silence.

I didn't feel like speaking. I didn't feel like breathing. I didn't even feel like living.

I was lost inside my thoughts yet I didn't even know what I was thinking.

I was trying to be rational. I was trying to look at thinks from a positive perspective. I was trying to fight the voice in my head that tried to convince me everything was over.

Josh loved me. I knew he did. I knew he would never want to hurt me, but I also knew that sometimes we can't really harmonize what we want with what we actually do.

He told me he's gonna explain everything to me tomorrow which was now today. I wanted to talk to him, I really did, but at the same time I didn't.

It was complicated... I was scared but then again I wasn't.

I didn't know what I was feeling. I din't know what I wanted. It was so hard to process all of this. It seemed like I was lost in my life completely losing control over even the simplest things.

I just sat in the car looking through the window while my mom drove. We were heading back to London and considering we spent the night up in Sheffield she's gonna drop me off at school without even taking me home.

I wasn't really found of the idea but although she'd let me stay at home, Josh is probably going to wait for me there assuming I won't go to school.

I know I promised that we're gonna talk today, but even though I won't be able to avoid him all day I wanted to avoid 'the talk' as long as I could.

I didn't want to break up with him. I wanted to be with him forever. I wanted to kiss him forever, I wanted to hold his hand forever, I wanted to cuddle him forever... He was always there, my whole life. I didn't know how I'd do it without him. He was my everything. I didn't know how to picture my life without him and now I was put in the position where I had to do exactly that.

I mean, if he really did bully all of those kids... If he really was the same as Chris, Dan and Matt... I just... It felt like I didn't even know who the real him was anymore.

I let out a long painful sigh. I just didn't know... I was so unsure. Of everything.

''Oliver, please...'' My mom sighed right after me and just then I remembered that she was actually with me in that car.

I turned my head to her and looked at her eyes that glanced second at me and second at the road in front of us.

''What if...'' I stated then cut myself off before I tried again. ''Have you ever loved someone so much that you weren't even able to picture your life without them, but then you find out about something and suddenly you're forced to do exactly that.''

''Whoa.'' My mom turned her head to me but only for a moment before she looked back at the road. ''Is this about a girl? Oli, you know that girls come and go, you can't...''

''No, mom...'' I cut her off sighing again. ''Just... Is it worth it? You've seen me yesterday... Is love really worth any of that?''

''Well, love is a strong and powerful emotion. Some believe the most intense even. It has the power to destroy but also to heal.'' She started. ''Love comes with a lot of pain and suffering. You can't have something that intense without any kind of sacrifice. People these days only want the emotion but they aren't willing to give anything for it. It doesn't work that way. So yes. If it's the right person, it is worth it.''