One Last Time

11

Is it possible to feel completely destroyed? There's no purpose in me left. You know what I mean? I have nothing good for me going on. I just have school and Katherine that's it. Imagine just having two things in your life and nothing else. Everything sucks. I still have hope left for myself though. Maybe I will change and get better. For now, who knows.

I plop on the couch with a bowl of rocky road ice cream, Graham crackers, and marshmallows. I sniffle and rip open the bucket and bags. I get my phone from my pocket which I haven't checked the whole day. I find thousands of messages and missed calls from Katherine. I didn't feel like talking so I texted back. "What's up?" I turn on the TV and to my surprise "Titanic" was on which is one of my favorite movies. Yeah it gets hate whatsoever but it's beautiful.

I'm barely five minutes into the movie and I'm halfway into the tub of ice cream. It's getting boring. I turn off the TV and just stare up at the ceiling. I bring another Graham cracker to my mouth and just eat. I sigh and grab my phone back. I unlock it and Katherine has texted me. "Call me right now please." My heart feels warm because she cares a lot so I call her. "Hello?"

"Ariana. What's going on? Why did you splash Justin with coffee? You were on some news, explain girl because I've been worried sick."

I lightly laugh, "Well I mean you did want that to happen."

"That's not the point. This isn't about me."

I let out a deep breath, "I don't know Kathy. Something just triggered me. I'm fine. Justin is healing at the hospital right now." I eat a marshmallow now.

"I know you're far from being fine. I wanna help Ari, can I go to your house? Or you need some time alone?"

"I appreciate it but come tomorrow maybe? Or I'll call you in a bit and tell you."

"Okay. I love you Ari. Don't do anything else that's crazy."

"I love you too Kathy. Thank you so much. You're a great friend."

"So are you. I'll leave you for a bit. Bye." She hangs up and I close the ice cream, get my other snacks and carry them to my room. I get my phone and decide to click a random song from Spotify. I connect the phone with some small speakers on my mirror.

Why
Did you leave me here to burn?
I'm way too young to be this hurt

The song playing is "I Have Questions" by Camila Cabello. Is it really time to be more distraught?

Maybe, maybe not. Fun fact is I used to listen to music all the time. It was my motivation for anything. I became distant from it though. I don't even know if I still have a good voice. To test that out I sing along:

Do you care? Do you care
Why don't you care
I gave you all of me, my blood, my sweat, my heart, and my tears.
Why don't you care! Why don't you care

I was there. I was there. When no one was. Now you're gone and I'm here.

I have questions for you.

I stop singing and hell yeah I still sound good. Not that good as I used to but I don't sound horrible. I smile and let the music keep playing. I go back to my bed and get a huge spoonful of ice cream.

Oh your voice it was the most familiar sound
But it sounds so dangerous to me now

"I HAVE QUESTIONS!" I scream out the lyrics still having dessert in my mouth. I start dancing and singing, I move my shoulders and run my fingers through my hair, I sway my hips. "Number two why would you try and play me for a fool! I shouldve never, ever, ever trusted you!" I continue singing and just get lost into the music.

You see, no one should continue being in a state where they're not joyful. Everyone deserves happiness. I was the happiest person alive when music was everything to me. Just listening to it, singing, and dancing makes me feel good again. For a song like this I should be in my feels, but I think I've been drowned in them enough for the day. I grab my phone and text Katherine to come by ASAP. I also change the song to "Now or Never" by Halsey.

"I don't wanna fight right now. Know you always right." I collapse on my bed and stare at the ceiling again. I close my eyes and start humming to the tune.

Baby gon love me now, now, now, now, now, now
Now or never

Then something hits me. Like a lightbulb just turned on in my head. I sit back up and go through my cabinets and grab lined paper with a pencil. Right now I wanna' write a song. I go back and sit on my bed then start to think, tapping the pencil on my chin. I honestly don't know what to write.

Justin

I just think about Justin so much. I wish he was mine. I need to move on though. So that's what I'll write about.

After ten minutes of writing my doorbell rings. I get up to answer the door. When I open it Katherine is standing there. "Hi! Glad you're here." I hug her and she steps inside afterwards.

"Glad I'm here too. What-" She pauses to look around the room. "Where's that music coming from?" She asks.

"Oh it's from my room. Come on." We pass the kitchen and living room then to my room. The song now playing is "Shoutout to My Ex" by Little Mix.

"Well. How you catching up?" Katherine sits on the bed taking her shoes off as I'm looking at myself in the mirror.

"I've been better. Right now I'm just listening to music. You know how I used to listen and sing to it all day."

"Well I didn't know you but you certainly told me. " She spots the papers I had on my bed. She brings her legs up and starts reading. "Are these lyrics?" Katherine sets the papers back down.

I nod. "I'm writing a song." I sit down on the bed as well.

"It sounds nice so far. Really. What's it about?"

I groan and lay down. "What else Kathy?" Her lips mouth and "oh" as she reads it again.

"I was a liar I gave into the fire. I know I should've fought it. At least I'm being honest." Her eyebrow raises in curiosity as she's reading a loud. "Feel like a failure cause I know that I failed you. I should've done you better cause you don't want a liar." Her eyes are off the paper and back on me.

"Damn girl. That's all you got but it sounds genuinely good. How did you come up with it?"

"It's just my feelings pouring out." I answer and she gets up.

"You wanna do something like, fun?" She looks at herself in the mirror too and pulls up her pants then glancing a side view just making sure she looks good.

"I don't know." I frown as my hands graze the bed sheets.

"Come on. I promise you'll like it."

After a moment of thought I answer. "Okay fine. Let's go." Katherine smiles. We walk back into the living room as she grabs her keys and opens the door. She walks out and I close it after then locking it. "Lead the way."

Let's see just where she'll take me

Sorry I took forever to update!
But it's finally here. Enjoy.
Sorry if this chapter was cringey because I felt like it was, oops.