In Real Life (Nemi)

Trainwreck

I tried to fake being sick the day of our triple date, but the look on Wilmer's face, made me change my mind. He looked so heartbroken, I couldn't let him down. I'd go. I'd suffer. I'd be in hell for an evening. I was strong. I could do this. Or could I? God, a limo ride? Sitting in a limo with Nick & Olivia, sitting close, his arm around her, her kissing him on the cheek, then wiping the lipstick off his face. Oh I was going to be in pure hell.

I changed my dress about ten times, finally deciding on a light blue, form fitting sleeveless dress that came just above my knees. The top of it was covered with a handmade beaded design. I loved it. When Wilmer saw me in it, his mouth fell to the floor. He went & changed his tie, too, so he would match me better. Before his new tie was knotted, he came over to me, putting his hands on my curves. He looked down at me, his eyes smoldering.

"Nadie es más hermosa, mi amor." Wilmer said in a low voice before he kissed my lips, passionately. He took my breath away for a moment, then let me go. "You make my mouth water. I love you." He brought his lips to mine again, quickly, then turned to face the mirror, so he could do his tie.

The limo arrived to pick up first, then we headed to pick up Joe & Nick & their dates. I was pretty sure I'd spend most of the evening talking to Blanda. We had double dated before & I really liked her. She was very down to earth, not caring at all that her boyfriend was making her famous & hated by many. Blanda was very talented in her own right. She was an artist & I loved the things she created. Olivia, on the other hand, I had a hard time talking to. I don't know if it was the fact that she was a beauty queen that intimidated me or the fact that she was always so far up Nick's ass, that it was hard to carry on a conversation. But in any case, I didn't like her the way I liked Blanda. In fact, now I didn't like Olivia at all. For no other reason than she was dating the man I was in love with.

The ride over to where we were picking everyone up at, wasn't too long. Wilmer held my hand in the back of the limo as we talked. I watched him, while we had a conversation about Wilmer's week on set. I loved his slight accent, that was getting less obvious the longer I knew him. I watched his eyes, those sexy brown eyes, coupled with his facial hair was enough to make any girl swoon. Why couldn't I be head over heels in love with him? I did love him, so much. But the feelings that came over me, regarding Nick, made me realize that my love for Wilmer was changing, or had changed. I wasn't as passionate toward him as I used to be. I had to almost force myself to desire him. We spent a lot of time away from each other over the last year, with my tour & his tv show that filmed in Texas. Maybe that was it or maybe it was the fact that even though I loved him, I wasn't as in love with him as I once was. I was so grateful for him being there for me through my recovery, that I think I owed it to him to stay with him. I think I was confusing my feelings toward him. I think I loved that he made so many sacrifices for me when I first went into rehab & then when I got out, I still thought I was in love with him. I'd never forget what he did to show his support to me. I felt guilty for wanting to be with someone else, but could I be happy for the rest of my life with someone who I was only with because I was feeling guilty that they had done so much for me?

I felt the limo come to a stop, so I knew we had arrived. I held my breath for a moment as the door to the limo opened. Wilmer slid to the door. "I'm gonna get out to stretch my legs & wait for them." He held his hand out so I could take it. I did, following him out. The evening was gorgeous. The sun was just starting to set, so it was at that point where it was blinding to look at. I was shielding my eyes, when Joe & Blanda started walking toward us, looking fashionable as always. I was hugging Joe when I saw Nick over his shoulder, walking toward us, holding Olivia's hand & looking at her adoringly. Her smile was huge as she watched his face, while they walked. My heart sank in my chest as I pulled away from Joe.

Joe must have seen something in my expression. "Dem? You okay?" His voice was concerned.

Wilmer must have heard him, because he spoke up. "She wasn't feeling well, earlier. You okay, Love?"

I faked a smile, nodding my head. "Yea. I'm fine. Just feeling a little unattractive seeing Olivia." I let out a breathy laugh.

"Puhleeze." Wilmer said, coming up to snake his arm around my waist. "She ain't got nothing on you, Angel." He murmured in my ear, before kissing my cheek. Yea she had something... my heart's desire.

"Wow, look at Lovato." Nick smirked, eyeing me, sideways. He came over to hug me & I got a whiff of him, making me swoon. He smelled so amazing. "You look beautiful, Demi." Nick said in a soft voice as he let me go. For a moment, I forgot the trainwreck that was about to happen this evening. Olivia came up to stand beside her man, smiling at me. Lord, did she ever stop smiling?

"Your dress is gorgeous, Demi. I love that color on you." Olivia gushed, making it difficult not to like her.

"Yea, nice to see you in something other than black." Nick snickered & Olivia smacked his arm, gently.

"You look gorgeous in black, too. Don't listen to him." Olivia smiled, sweetly.

"Thanks." I replied, looking down.

"Let's get going. We have reservations at 7:30." Joe said. We all got in the limo & I sat beside Wilmer, across from Joe. I was mortified when Nick sat next to Joe, Olivia on his other side. His arm was around her, protectively, her hand on his knee. I couldn't help but to watch them as they fawned all over each other. They whispered to each other or talked in a low voice, I couldn't hear over Wilmer & Joe's conversation. Blanda struck up a conversation about my new album, then about my favorite pieces of her jewelry, which I was grateful for. Anything to distract me from the trainwreck I couldn't take my eyes off of. I'd steal a glance every now & again to see Nick smiling, sweetly at Olivia as she talked. He kissed her cheek, or her mouth & I wanted to jump out of this limo. I turned my head away a few times, looking as if I was looking at the front of the limo for whatever reason. I couldn't take much more of this & we hadn't even gotten to the restaurant yet. I was feeling so nauseous. I could feel sweat forming on my back & my brow. I closed my eyes for a moment & when I opened them, I looked right into Nick's eyes.

"You okay, Demi? You don't look so good." Nick said, leaning forward a little. Everyone's gazes turned to me.

Wilmer put his arm around me. "I shouldn't have dragged you out."

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I just need some water." I said, grabbing a bottle from the small ice bucket near me. I took a drink as everyone watched me. I smiled, sheepishly. "Stop staring. I am fine. I promise."

We got to the restaurant, thankfully, putting some distance between me & the grotesque scene I was witnessing. We were seated at a round table & I took my spot next to Wilmer, who sat next to Joe. Nick sat next to me, of course, as if I wasn't suffering enough. There was at least a foot or so between each of us, thank God. Olivia & Nick, however, managed to touch. They held hands or she'd reach under the table to do God knows what. My appetite was clearly gone, tonight. I tried to turn my attention to Wilmer, Joe or Blanda, but the way we were angled, I could still see Nick & Olivia out of my peripheral vision. Nick would lean into her to whisper in her ear or kiss her bare shoulder. She got cold at one point & he took off his jacket & put it over her shoulders. I wanted to cry from frustration. I wasn't getting over Nick, I had this sickening feeling. I was hopelessly in love with him, all of the sudden. Dammit. Why? He didn't feel that way toward me. Not in the slightest. He barely acknowledged me when Olivia was by his side. He was so into her. I wanted to crawl under this table & die. I was in pure hell right now. Our meal wasn't even here yet & I was going to throw up. Once in a while I'd hear things he was saying to her. I wanted him to say these things to me.

I was in trouble. Now when I would think of Nick, I'd imagine being with him in an intimate way. 

I would imagine going on a date with him. I would imagine kissing him. I would imagine being with him as I grew old. I had to admit, I even imagined having Nick's baby. Dear Lord, I can't take much more of this tonight. How was I going to make it through an evening of dancing & having fun? I wasn't sure I could pretend to be having fun. If I saw Nick & Olivia dancing, I'd probably lose it. I felt sick again as a thought popped into my head. I wanted to drink or swallow some pills. This wasn't good, that I was so sick over Nick that I wanted to jump off the wagon. Yea, I was in serious trouble.