In Real Life (Nemi)

Until You're Mine

As we got closer to my house, I started getting nervous for some reason. I wanted to bring up my fears to Nick, but was scared to, funny enough. I wanted to have sex with him, but now I was worried that we were moving too fast. I also remembered, that I wasn't on a birth control at the moment. My pills had been giving me some seriously messed up side effects, so my doctor took me off of them & wanted me to stay off of any birth control pill for three months before he started me on a new one. I wasn't due to get back on a pill for another two months, so if I had sex with Nick, he'd have to wear a condom. Maybe this was another sign that we should wait.

I cleared my throat, disturbing Nick as he hummed along to the radio, while he drove. "Nick?" I said, my voice cracking. Nick glanced at me, his eyebrows up. "I think we should wait to have sex again."

Nick looked at me for a few seconds, then turned back to concentrate on his driving. "O- K." He replied, almost as a question. I saw his forehead wrinkle a little.

"I'm not on any birth control at the moment. I just remembered. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got you all hot & bothered." I smiled at him when he glanced at me, quickly. He had no expression on his face, really, so now I was worried he was mad. "Please don't be mad."

I felt Nick squeeze my hand. "I'm not mad. We can wait as long as you want."

"Thank you." I said in a tiny voice. A few minutes later, Nick pulled his car into my driveway & parked the car.

"I can come in with you & make sure there's no one in there, if you want. Or I can just go home." Nick said, leaning his head on the back of the seat.

I shook my head. "No. I still want you to spend the night."

Nick lifted his head. "You do?"

"Yea, silly." I chuckled at him as I opened the car door. "Unless you don't have any self control." I smirked as I got out of the car.

I heard Nick laugh, quietly. He followed me into the house. I didn't say anything as I put my stuff down by the front door & took off my shoes. Nick took his shoes off, too, then I took his hand & pulled him into the family room & switched on the television. He sat on the couch & I sat beside him, but faced him as I leaned on the arm of the couch. I stared at Nick with a soft smile on my face as he flipped through channels. He looked at me after a few minutes, when he realized I was staring at him. His smirk warmed my heart & I felt warm all over when he grabbed my hand.

"You look like you want to talk about something." Nick muttered, scooting a little closer to me.

I tilted my head, bashfully. "I do, actually. But please don't get mad. I just want to tell you a fear I have right now."

Nick took a deep breath, then pressed his lips together. "Let me have it."

"I'm afraid that you're using me to help you get over Olivia." I held my breath after the words left my mouth.

Nick's expression almost looked sad or concerned. "You really think I would use you?" His voice was quiet, sounding a little hurt.

I let out my breath, feeling bad now. "Not intentionally." I responded. "You just broke off your relationship with someone you were going to marry. Maybe you need some time to deal with that before you move on."

Nick looked at the tv, still holding my hand. He seemed to be thinking. Maybe he was thinking I might be right. Maybe he was trying to figure out what to say. In any case, my heart was beating, rapidly, in my chest. Nick took a deep breath, then spoke, without looking at me. "I could wait to move on, but I need to explain something to you & I hope I can explain it the right way. I don't want you to think less of me." I watched as he furrowed his brow, but didn't look at me. I wanted him to look at me. He looked down at our intertwined hands, licked his bottom lip, then took another breath. "I'm not gonna try & convince you that my heart is healed about the whole Olivia thing, but...." Nick closed his eyes for a moment, took another breath, then finally his eyes met mine. "No matter how much time I wait, I don't think it would change my feelings about you, Demi. It may have just hit me that I was in love with you, but when I started thinking back to all of the years I have known you, I realize that I have been falling in love with you more & more over that time. I was in denial or didn't realize it, but in any case it was happening. So, I'm not using you. I would never do that to you." Nick flashed me a sweet smile, leaning into me a little. "If you want to know the truth, I think I was using Olivia to keep from admitting how I really felt about you."