In Real Life (Nemi)

Heart attack

Nick & I were lying in my bed, after we made love. Thank God, I found that box of condoms I had bought when Wilmer & I were together. I knew Wilmer had been with a lot of girls, so I wanted to be careful until I knew for sure he was clean. I know that sounds awful, but a girl has to be safe. I was just about to get up to go jump in the shower, when Nick cleared his throat.

"I hope you're patient with me, Demi." His voice was quiet as he stared at the ceiling.

I sat up, covering myself with the sheet. "I can be patient. I even thought about telling you that you could stay here instead of going to Joe's, but I don't want to rush things or freak you out." I chuckled, quietly.

Nick smiled, looking at me. "Yea, I don't think that would be good. I don't want to move too fast. Moving in together, even for a few days, is a huge step." He ended his sentence with a laugh. "It's funny, actually, because I'm scared to love again & trust again, but I trust that you wouldn't do something like she did. I know you wouldn't trap me or lie to me to get me to do something." Nick reached up to gently run his finger down my jawline.

I smiled, biting my bottom lip. "No, I wouldn't." I bent down to kiss him. "I gotta get ready. Are you sticking around?" I asked as I slid off the bed.

"Yea, I'll leave when you do. I need to get back to my life." He sighed. "I feel like it's been years since I have been in a studio or even done anything with my career. I was so focused on the wedding & then healing my heart after that...." He turned to lay on his side.

"Yea, the world needs more Nick Jonas music." I grinned as I headed to the bathroom. "When do you start shooting for the next season of your show?"

"Not til early June. When is your album dropping? Do you know yet?"

"June 9." I said, before I closed the bathroom door.

Nick & I said our goodbyes & I was a little sad because I had no idea when I would see him again. The next few weeks were crazy busy for me trying to finish up all the details of my album & also figure out the album promotion schedule. I was planning a tour to start at the end of the summer & I was considering asking Nick to be the creative director again. I was debating because now we were in a relationship, sorta. I didn't want it to cause issues with us. I'd talk to Nick about it soon. I didn't need to make any decisions just yet, plus he was going to be filming his tv show, so he may not have the time anyway.

I texted & talked to Nick almost every day over the next several weeks. Olivia was out of his house a few days after he left, thankfully. He claimed she wasn't making any contact with him, but I wasn't sure if he was being honest. We hung out at my place once & his place once over the four weeks. At my house, we made dinner & watched a movie. At his place, we went swimming & then ordered take out. One night we went on a double date with Blanda & Joe & of course the rumors started flying. We were careful not to look too cozy or look too longingly into each other's eyes. We had gone to a movie, then to dinner. It was harmless & we figured the rumors would die down eventually. We tried not to let the rumors consume us. We were having fun & enjoying being together, with no pressure. Taking things slow was just what we both needed. I needed to not get distracted from my career & Nick needed time for his heart to heal.

One day toward the end of May, I had a whole day of appointments. I had a doctor appointment & one with my therapist, as well as an appointment with Phil to put the final touches on the schedule for the upcoming promotional tour, then my album tour. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to get back on the road again. I did talk to Nick about doing my tour again and he said he would help but that he wasn't sure he could totally commit to it because of his filming schedule. He would try, though & told me to make John Taylor the creative director & he & Nick could be a team, so to speak.

My mind was racing, about all the things I wanted to do on this tour, as I sat in the exam room, waiting for the doctor to come in. I should be writing some of this crap down, I thought to myself, when my doctor came in. I was at the gynecologist's right now, my first appointment of the day.

"Hi, Demi. How are you?" He asked.

"I'm great. How are you?" I smiled.

"Fantastic." He sat on the stool & wheeled himself closer to the table, holding a clipboard in his hand. "So, we can't start you on a new pill today." He said, then mashed his lips together as he looked at me.

"Why not?" I asked, confused.

"Well, you're pregnant." He said in a gush of air that knocked me on my ass in a metaphorical sense.

I'm sure my expression was a combination of amusement, confusion, disgust, turmoil & so many other feelings. "Funny, doc." My heart was racing. God, please be joking. "I haven't had unprotected sex. We always used condoms."

"I'm not trying to be funny. You're pregnant." He cleared his throat. "Condoms aren't always effective. They can have a tiny manufacturer's defect like a hole or tear or they can be cheap ones & get a small hole during the sex. Or if you have aggressive sex, they may tear or come off."

I sucked in my breath. "Fucking Kesha." I muttered, not realizing I said it out loud.

"Excuse me?"

I took a deep breath. "I went to a concert a few years ago & they handed out condoms & they were probably cheap ones. I used those a month ago." I frowned, shaking my head.

My doctor tried not to laugh. He looked at the clipboard. "According to your last period, you're almost 7 weeks & you'll be due January 10." His looked up & I held my breath.

I shook my head. "Doctor, I can't be pregnant. My album drops in three weeks. I have a promotional tour starting next week & a tour starting for my album in September." My words were coming out fast, in a panic. I guess I was hoping this would all go away once I told him that it didn't fit in my schedule. Like he'd be like 'oh, okay, then never mind, you aren't pregnant. I didn't realize it didn't fit in your schedule right now.' If I wasn't so freaked out I would laugh.

"Well, you will definitely have to do some rearranging. You'll need to schedule your next appointment in the next four to six weeks & we will do an ultrasound."

I let out a laugh, not a good one. A sarcastic laugh. "No, you don't understand. I can't be pregnant. I need to not be pregnant. I can't. I need to take care of this. Now."

"Ahh, I understand. Well, I will give you the names of some doctors that can help with that if you so choose. I am still giving you a prescription for prenatal vitamins & I am advising you to talk to the father & think this over before you decide for sure that you want to end the pregnancy." He ripped off a piece of paper & handed it to me.

I took it, unable to speak. Tell the father? I can't tell him. He'd have a heart attack, much like the one I was having right now. He'll think I am like Olivia. He's going to think I am trying to trap him. He'll think I did this on purpose. If he even believes me. No. I can't tell Nick. This will ruin both of us. Not only will my career take a hit, but so will our personal lives. It would be obvious that we were together a short time after he broke up with Olivia, if I was pregnant. This was going to be the end of us. Things were going so well, taking things nice & slow. A pregnancy was the last thing we needed. This was not taking it slow. This was the fucking opposite of taking things slow. This was shoving us head first into a commitment for the rest of our lives. No. I had to end this pregnancy & not even mention it to Nick.