In Real Life (Nemi)

Got Dynamite

I felt a little depressed when I got back from Africa, not only because I missed being there, but I was also going to miss being with Nick day in & day out. We had gotten closer, so I knew we'd keep talking, but I also knew Olivia would do whatever was necessary to keep him from me. I thought about making peace with her, but I had a hard time bringing myself to do that. I didn't have a choice in October, when Wilmer & I attended a Halloween party at Joe's. Wilmer dressed as a vampire in honor of his character in From Dusk til Dawn & I dressed as his victim. His really hot victim. I dressed very sexy, made myself look glamorous, complete with two bite marks on my neck & blood trails that looked pretty real.

Wilmer & I arrived before Nick & Olivia did, so we were already having fun when I saw Olivia dressed as a dead beauty queen. How lame. Of course, I was smiling inside because I'm sure the Olivia haters online would have a field day with this costume. Nick was wearing a tux, not really dressed as anything scary. That's my Nick. He doesn't enjoy dressing up & sometimes he takes himself too serious. If I were Olivia, I would have made him dress up, but hey, that's just me. Olivia is too submissive. She lets Nick do what he wants because she's afraid of getting dumped. She doesn't want to risk having him argue with her. I could tell. She was being the perfect little arm candy. The perfect little wanna be wife. It made me ill. It was like she had no identity since she got with Nick. It was as if she was Nick Jonas' girlfriend & nothing else. It was as if her identity consisted of being pretty & being a good little girlfriend. She didn't play her cello anymore or do anything other than model or have herself glued to Nick's hip.

I caught Nick's eye from across the room a little while after he got to the party & he smiled so big at me, it made me warm inside. How I missed that smile over the last month. I thought he looked me up & down as well, but I could have imagined that. I hadn't even seen Nick in person since we got back from Africa. He had started filming the second season of his tv show & I kept busy in the studio. I watched as Nick said something to Olivia, then headed in my direction. I smiled as he hugged me in a tight embrace.

"You're looking hot, Demi." Nick said in a low voice as he hugged me.

"Thanks. What or who are you supposed to be?" I asked, laughing, as he let me go. He said I looked hot & I was on Cloud 9 right now.

"I'm James Bond." Nick smirked, holding his arms out.

I laughed again, louder this time. "How original." I saw Olivia over his shoulder, walking in our direction. Of course, she couldn't let him get too far away from her, especially if I was near him. "I've missed seeing you." I stuck my lip out, making him put one of his arms around me.

"I've missed you, too, Dem." Nick smiled at me, then looked at Olivia as she came to stand at his side. Nick put his other arm around Olivia. "My two favorite ladies. I think you two should talk amongst yourselves & be the best of friends because that would make me incredibly happy. I need to go find my brother." He kissed Olivia's cheek, then glanced at me, smiling, before he left us to stand there awkwardly, silent.

Finally, I looked at Olivia & spoke. "He really wants us to get along." I held my hand out to her. "Shall we start over? Hi, I'm Demi. It's nice to meet you." I raised an eyebrow & gave her the most genuine smile I could muster. Olivia stared at my hand as if it was contaminated. I rolled my eyes. "If Nick means anything to you, you would do this with no hesitation." I smirked.

Olivia sighed & shook my hand. "I'm Olivia." She smiled at me as she pumped our hands for a moment. "Nice to meet you."

"We don't have to be friends or hang out together, but I know Nick means a lot to me, so I want to be able to be around you. Let's let bygones be bygones." I said.

"Okay. I think I can do that." Olivia said it as if it were poison on her lips, but I ignored this & I tried to keep the small talk up. It lasted a few minutes, then Nick & Joe came up to whisk Olivia away. Thank God they did that, when they did, because I seriously could not stand Olivia. I tried really hard but the entire time I wanted to watch her head explode like dynamite. At least Nick would think we were okay with each other. I didn't have to see either of them much more that night, since they were drinking & I was hanging out with the sober crowd.

I didn't see Nick in person again for over a month. With both of us being busy with our "jobs" & then with the holiday season, we didn't run into each other. We texted nearly every day & talked a few times a week. I never brought up Olivia & he hardly ever did as well. I think he knew it was still a sore subject. At the end of November, after Thanksgiving, I did something that was really difficult to do, but it had to be done.

Wilmer was home for the holiday for a few weeks before he had to be back on set in Texas. I had been putting this off for way too long. I sat down on the couch next to Wilmer as he flipped, aimlessly, through the tv channels. We were hanging out at my place, so I was worried how Wilmer would react to this. Would he stay & beg me all night to not do this? Would he storm out of my place & not speak to me again? I hoped it went better than either of those scenarios.

"Babe? Can you pause that or mute it?" I asked Wilmer. I was about to stick dynamite into his chest & blow his heart into smithereens.

Wilmer hit a button on the remote & turned toward me. "What's up, angel?" My heart was breaking right now.

I took a deep breath, playing with my hands. "Please don't hate me, Wilmer." I started, not making eye contact with him. I heard him suck his breath in. "You're so important to me & one of my best friends." I looked up at Wilmer's face & his eyes were sad as he watched me, a confused expression on his face. "I am so grateful for you coming into my life & being such a great friend to me & supporting me & loving me through my recovery & since then." I paused to take a breath & wipe the tears that came to my eyes.

Wilmer's voice was quiet & laced with sadness. "Are you breaking up with me?"

I nodded, slowly. "I am so sorry. I can't keep leading you to believe that we could be together forever. I'm not in love with you anymore. My feelings changed & I realized it sometime over the last year & I have been struggling with it ever since. I just don't think it's fair to stay with you, even if I feel like I should because of everything you have stayed for with me."

Wilmer rubbed my back, gently. "It happens, Angel. Feelings can change. Who knows why? I certainly don't, but I don't want you to feel like you owe it to me to stay with me."

I couldn't keep the tears from falling freely now. "I'm so sorry, Wilmer. I hate that I am hurting you."

"I'll be fine as long as I know you are fine. Are you okay? Is there something going on with you?"

"No. Just started realizing that my feelings weren't as passionate as they once were."

Wilmer nodded. "I still am here for you anytime you need me. I will always be your friend." Wilmer said, smiling.

"Really?" I was almost sobbing.

"Of course. With you & by you, always." He said, winking at me.

I let out a loud sob & threw my arms around him. "I hope you find someone who is worthy of you, my love. I wish so badly that I still felt the same way. One day, I hope I don't regret this."

Wilmer held me for a moment. "I'll probably still be waiting to be honest." He let out a laugh. I couldn't tell him that I had fallen in love with my other best friend & that is how I realized I wasn't in love with him anymore. I was such a horrible person right now. I didn't deserve either one of them. I sat with Wilmer for a little while, talking about what we meant to each other & how we would remain friends. I hated what I was doing to him, but I had to. Even if nothing ever happened with me & Nick, I couldn't keep lying about my feelings for Wilmer. It wasn't fair to either one of us.