A Voice Left Unheard(mxm)

Chapter 12

Author: I've been so terrified to post this chapter cause it just...doesn't seem written well enough no matter what I do but Commander says I just need to post it already sO here you go :,)

What in the world was I planning to say?

"I'm sorry for running away when all you needed was comfort?"

"I'm sorry I ran because I hate myself so much I got scared?"

I fucked up bad.

I only made one mistake and it fucked up a lot.

Why was my instinct to run? And why did I feel I had the right to follow instinct?

All this time...Felix has been afraid of me but still faced me. He stood in front of me, vulnerable and willing to forgive and all I did was run.

What was my reasoning for running again?

Was I afraid?

Was I angry?

I had no right to feel any of these emotions.

All Felix has ever done for me is love me. Unconditionally and wholeheartedly.

If you wanted to be happy one day Owen, why do you run from everything that can give you joy?

Maybe because I fear that I don't deserve that joy.

But these self loathing thoughts weren't just destroying me, they were destroying others around me.

I needed to learn to love myself, for the sake of those around me. I needed to learn my worth.

"Hello?" a strange woman answered the door wearing probably the weirdest pajamas I've ever seen.

"Nice minion onesie you have," I said.

"Oh thanks. Um...who are you?"

"Sorry sorry! I know it's really late...I'm terribly sorry."

"I don't care really, my friend and I have been up working so you didn't really wake me up."

Friend.

"Sorry, are you Felix's editor?"

"Felix? Do you know him?" she yawned. "Oh wait you must and interviewer. Sorry. He just headed off to bed. Come back tomorrow." She started to close the door but I quickly grabbed it to make sure it stayed open.

"No I'm not. I'm his friend. Please tell him I'm here. I need him now."

"Now? You realize how late it is don't you? Is it that big of an emergency?"

"Yes. Please."

"Um..." they thought for a moment. "Tell me your name I'll see if he actually knows you or you're some desperate fan."

Come on stop wasting time woman!

"I'm Owen Rogers."

"Oh..." she looked at me with wide eyes. "Nevermind, come in. I've already heard of you."

What exactly have you heard? Good things? Have I even done anything good? No...she probably knows my name for bad reasons.

I walked in slowly into the darkened house and watched my step as I walked around.

The editor knocked on a bedroom door and called out for Felix.

I wanna run.

I'm scared to see him.

He's surely hates me now.

No. Fuck Owen who cares if he hates you? You need to stay put and deal with it. You need to stay where you're at. This is where you're supposed to be.