Sparrows

Chapter 26

 

Marine I slept with someone after your dinner party.

It circles and circles in my mind. I am unable to process what he just said. Slept? Someone?Marine?Dinner? They all sounded like words that would never be in the same sentence. My heart is literally breaking through my ribs as I pray to calm down, but I can't, the more I think, the more anxious I get.

Harry just stands there, he is looking away from me and his jaw is clenched.

"No you didn't."

Harry ache is visible through his features, he flinches and try's to find a way to tell me that he did. I know he did, but I can't admit it out loud. I was begging him not to say it.

"Marine." Harry sighs, "I did."

And like that my heart drops. I am panting, not from hurt, but now from anger and confusion. It doesn't make any sense. Harry steps a little closer to me but I back away, focusing on my breath,

"Marine please, speak." Speak? What the fuck do you want me to say?

"This was a bad idea." I say, trying to convince myself of my words. Harry telling me this has finally brought me up from underwater, I mean nothing to him.

"Harry I get that you are not stable, I get it, none of us are, but am I just one of those girls you use to feel something? That maybe because we are sneaking around and I am 16 that you can use me to get excited, even just for a minute? You need to tell me now, right now."

Harry's POV

"Harry I get that you are not stable, I get it, none of us are, but am I just one of those girls you use to feel something? That maybe because we are sneaking around and I am 16 that you can use me to get excited, even just for a minute? You need to tell me now, right now."

Her eyes pierce through me as she pulls her hair back out of her face. She stares at me for an answer. What am I supposed to say? That Niall scared me yesterday that I am extremely paranoid of being with you, that I slept with the girl because I realized I was insane to think that what we were doing was normal, and that I am hurting you now so I don't have to hurt you in the future. I did it because I was scared, but I can't ever tell her that.

I hate that she thinks I would use her like this, that I am playing a game with her, but I am so stupid, I keep messing up with everyone and it was better if I hurt her, she needs to move on, even though it is killing me to do so.

"Marine, I don't know what we are doing. I don't want to hurt you anymore, we just keep getting lost in the moment, it is not good." I exhale. I don't get any closer and she looks at me in the eyes, confusion struck in her vision, disgusted by my words. I don't make any sense.

I tug at my hair and rub the back of my neck- a bad habit of mine- as I wait for her reply, but she doesn't.

Marine's POV

I can't move, I can't think. I am enraged. Nothing is clicking, nothing is making sense! He is so fucking annoying sometimes. I knew exactly what he was saying, but I could no gather up the courage to actually let it consume my thoughts. I was not good enough for him. He was too broken to be attached to one person, but that didn't make it less painful.

The coward, the fucki-

Fuck.

I begin to raise my head, readying myself to confront him, but when I look up, he is walking away, his dark curls blend with the darkness of the night, and the only thing lighting up the moment being the moon.

---

The next day was Louis's party. I was still trying to process what had happened with Harry and I and I was utterly exhausted, I could not sleep. The thing is, the next morning I slowly realized that I didn't care. I was not effected by Harry's fucking of someone, yes it hurt, but what is scary is that I don't care. He could hurt me over and over and I feel like I would still go back to him. I hated myself for being so vulnerable, to let someone control me, but I can't continue lying to myself.