Sparrows

Chapter 36

Characters played by:

Mr.Webber-Matthew Gray Gubler

Winter- http://data1.whicdn.com/images/68676928/large.jpg

Charlie- Charlie France 

Quint- Ben Allen 

Berlin- Benjamin Jarvis

Clemintine- Kel Markey 

Alex- Matthew hitt

MARINES OUTFIT (UPDATE FORGOT TO POST)

http://www.polyvore.com/sparrows-chapter_36_marines_outfit/set?id=127680747

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Harry’s POV

 

Dear Marine,

 

Please excuse my awful writing and rambling, you know I am an awful writer.

 

I am such a fuckup and I ruin everything you mean something to me but I am having trouble seeing clearly. You don’t deserve me. When we started to get more serious I got really scared because I had never really been in anything like that, and I never really felt the, this, “silence thing” we share oh too many times (it’s nice, don’t get me wrong). I have never felt that with anyone. So anyway when it started getting serious I realized that I was getting in too deep and I just don’t know what I want and I knew I was going to hurt you so I thought being with someone else would clear things out, especially since we hadn’t defined anything (it’s not an excuse.) I just don’t know how to explain it but it’s this mental problem I have where I kind of feel like I’m underwater and cant seem to find any air. Does that make sense? I don’t know if I am ready for this, for letting people in. I am such a disappointment to myself and I didn’t want to disappoint you or do something to mess you up. I am no good and honestly, I have no idea what I want, I am kind of fucking scared. All I know is this week without you, knowing how much I hurt you, it’s killing me. Maybe this is good, maybe I can finally see the beauty I disturbed.  

 

Harry.

 I crumple the paper up. She can't see this. It's not fair. 

Marines POV

 

Dear Marine,

 

I am sorry I hurt you. It isn’t an excuse. I am sorry I didn’t fight for you this past week. I thought you needed time. I am cowardly talking to you through a letter because I am a coward and cant face the shit I did. The main reason I am writing this is because I need to tell you that I am really confused right now about my life and I cant drag you into it anymore than I already have. I really messed things up. I think it is better for you that we spend some time apart. You are the most beautiful person I know, I hope you find someone who sees the same beauty and treats it way better than I did. Maybe in the future it can work out, but I cannot beg for another undeserved chance. Good luck with your writing workshop at the New School, you will write breathtaking poetry.

 

Harry.

 

I received his letter the night before my workshop. Oh fuck it hurt so much. It hurt a lot. This week hasn’t been the best. Louis actually started talking to me again since he would wake up at 12 in the morning and come back at 5 in the morning the next day and I never saw him. He heard me crying in the shower a few times. He also found the pot I broke in the kitchen. He was worried. My parents don’t care. I don’t even know where they are, ever. Sometimes they leave a note telling me that they travelled or something. Sometimes I need a mother to hug me, I forgot that’s what mothers do. I don’t remember the last time my mom has hugged me. I wish I had different parents. I wish I had parents. Sage and Electra kept trying to take me out but I refused. I didn’t want to do anything. They got really worried and kept asking what was bothering me. I told them that I was channeling a lot of emotions for my writing. They believed me because it was true. I was using what happened to me last week positively instead of grieving for some shit head that broke my heart. He still means a lot to me, but he’s a fucking shit head and just when the overwhelming pain started to feel a little less painful he writes this and pisses me off even more, and resumes the cycle.